Weekly Quote for Growth Mindset: “Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for…We can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating good work or doing a deed for others; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone in a positive way; and (3) by the attitude we take toward life experiences and unavoidable suffering (learning).” Viktor Frankl
Coaching Challenge: Make your meaning by learning something new everyday and making the effort to do the best you can every moment by challenging yourself to overcome difficulties and learn the lessons provide you in every situation and every difficult interaction in life.
Daily Quote: ” Nothing can stop the [person] with the right mental attitude from achieving [their] goal; nothing on earth can help the [person] with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson
Change the way you think and you can change your attitude about how you feel and act. Research has shown that every time you think of something, you choose the attitude and feelings that are associated with it. If you have a negative thought you are guaranteed to have a negative feeling associated with that thought. When negativity takes hold our attitude becomes negative and our performance tumbles. So the question is, “How do you feel when you think that thought?” This approach will help you sort out that things happening in the world (a situation or circumstance) are not causing your feelings. The truth is that the negative or positive thoughts you choose not circumstances cause your attitude, feelings and actions.Let’s look at a more concrete example of how to dealing with Pain and Suffering in our life.
Getting Started: Assumptions and principles of self-coaching:
- We cannot control the world. So only focus on the things you can control.
- Nothing outside of us has the power to make us feel good or bad. It is our choices that determine how we feel and behave.
- It is not the circumstances, but our thoughts about the circumstances that create our perceptions and experience.
- We are driven and motivated by what we choose to think about.
- Emotions are triggers that lead to action.
- We can’t permanently change our habits or results without changing
- The habit of thinking in negative ways about our self and our abilities sabotages are abilities and strengths to perform at high levels.
- We don’t have to learn anything more than changing negative thoughts to more positive “self-talk” to feel better and act more productively.
- Being aware and choosing our thoughts are the most important components to feeling better and performing like a champion.
- Learn from other people’s experience and points of view. For example check out Coach Bobby Knight’s book on the Power of Negative Thinking–WOW http://www.bloomberg.com/video/bobby-knight-on-the-power-of-negative-thinking-9xZTNuP3Rw~iMRuOkngOxQ.html
“Our minds influence the key activity of the brain, which then influences everything; perception, cognition, thoughts and feelings, personal relationships; they’re all a projection of you”. Deepak Chopra, Philosopher
Self-coaching is a skill that can be learned. It is the basic skill that underlies what we mean when we speak of having emotional and social intelligence. When you develop the skill of SC, you actually change the physical structure of the brain, your thinking and action. Dr. Dan Siegel in the book Mindset says: “This observation and revelation is based on one of the most exciting scientific discoveries of the last twenty years: How we focus our attention shapes the structure of the brain which impacts thinking and then behavior. Neuroscience has also definitively shown that we can grow and create new connections in the brain throughout our lives, not just in childhood. ” This finding provides a positivity not known in years before these new brain discoveries.
Self-Coaching Challenge: Seek first the goal of personal development and reaching your full potential then everything else will take care of itself. What do you want to develop over the next 30 days. Make and plan the execute it. For support read about Dr. Rock, a noted neuro-leadership scientist, who has put together a practical model called SCARF for enhancing how to use the new research on the brain to improve leadership and workplace climate.
Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.
When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect. Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.
Daily Quote: The number of hours in a day is fixed, but the quantity and quality of energy available to us is not. This fundamental insight has the power to revolutionize the way you live. Dr Jim Loehr
Have you ever used this excuse for not exercising–I just don’t have the time. In reality this excuse is based on not making exercise a priority in your life.
There is simply no replacement for exercise. A consistent exercise program offers a reliable and natural way to boost your mood and increase your self-esteem. When you exercise, your body produces substances called endorphins. These are the biochemicals that are associated with producing a euphoric feeling of peace and satisfaction. Besides the obvious physical benefits of daily exercise, being physically active also offers important emotional benefits and is one of the most powerful influences that you can inject into your life. If you are not presently engaged in a consistent exercise program, it is time to embrace this concept and begin. As George Bernard Shaw so eloquently said, “You see things and you say, why? But I dream things and I say why not?” Why not make today the day you revisit your dream of health and commit yourself to exercise. There is no better gift to give your body and your mind and it will help make your dream of a healthier life come true.
If you want to be healthy, inside and out, you simply must incorporate exercise into your life. Regular physical activity is a major contributor to effective weight loss, improved physical health and emotional well-being. Research consistently shows that regular physical activity, combined with healthy eating habits and adequate water intake, is the most efficient and effective way to improve your health, control your weight and enhance your mood.
Now we all know that exercise is a key to our physical and emotional health, so why don’t we do more exercising?
1. We do not put exercise time on our things to do list. The more exercise is planned and scheduled the more we do it.
2. We alck the energy to get-up and go. This is because we don’t understand how energy is depleted and are willpower is less efficient the longer the day go es on. Pick an early morning time to exercise. If you think I don’t have the time to do it in the morning, then add 30 min. to your day by getting up earlier and exercising
3. Learn to measure how you are doing–keep an exercse journal and reward yourself as you see progress.
4. Study and learn how to build your “willpower muscle”
If we’re going to optimize our energy, says Dr. jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their New Your Times bestselling selling book The Power of of Full Engagement:: “we need to recognize that our willpower is (a) weaker than we think and (b) more draining to employ than we think. Every time we have to consciously decide whether or not we’re going to do something, we deplete energy. This is why schedules work, and where rituals come in handy. They remove some of the exhaustion associated with choic..“We use the word ‘ritual’ purposefully to emphasize the notion of a highly structured behavior,” write Loehr and Schwartz. “In contrast to will and discipline, which require pushing yourself to a behavior, a ritual pulls at you. Brushing your teeth is something to which you feel consistently drawn, compelled by its health value. You do it without much conscious effort or intention. Rituals ensure we use as little conscious energy as possible, leaving us free to focus our energy in creative, enriching ways.”
Self-Coaching Challenge–.Make an action plan for building exercise into your daily routine. Start with small steps and set a date to begin andwho will support you in your personal change project?
Daily Quote: “Live as if you liked yourself, and it may happen.” Marge Piercy, Poet
Reflection: What Piercy is telling us to do is when you’re not sure of what to be just “Fake it until you make it.” In words create your own personal self-fulfilling philosophy. Dr. James Loher a colleague makes this powerful insight about “faking it” “pretending that you’re happy–requires you to smile, be engaged by mimicking positive energy and enthusiasm–not only can this approach earn you some of the benefits of happiness (returned smiles, connecting with others successes as a public speaker or at work and school but can actually make you happier.” Why does this “fake it till you make it work? How can acting like you are happy make you happy?
Researcher’s On this subject focus primarily on two reasons for this phenomena one internal and one external.
1. Internally, our brains interpret the positive thoughts and physical manifestations of happiness by releasing adrenalin, testosterone and dopamine ( pleasure drug) levels into the blood stream while decrease cortisol (stress hormone) so that we actually experience the emotion to a greater extent. and shows through our external appearance to others and says not in words I am confident and happy to be with you.
2. Externally, our manifestations of happiness are typically mirrored by others, creating a cycle of positive emotions of confident appearance and tone of voice, twinkling eyes, smile and relaxed posture other body language signals of the emotions itself.
Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success. Don’t miss this TED video by Dr. Cuddy where she presents very insightful research and findings on how “faking it” can influence power and dominance in relationships.
Daily Quote: “One should waste as little effort as possible on improving areas of low competence. It takes far more energy and work to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than it takes to improve from first-rate performance to excellence.”
Peter Drucker, Father of Modern Management
Reflection: I don’t think Dr. Drucker is suggesting that we should avoid identifying and addressing areas for development, but we tend to make weakness and improvement of problem areas a priority at the expense of ignoring or taking for granted our strengths. We need to remember that on any given day we only have a certain amount of time and energy. So in focusing on weaknesses or problems as the priority we have little energy or time to emphasize and use our strengths to tackle our duties and responsibilities, and I believe that a greater emphasis on amplifying successes is more efficient, more effective, and more fulfilling for living a more meaningful and constructive life.
And the more presentation coaching I do, the more convinced I am that people are better served by seeking to build on their strengths than by seeking to overcome their weaknesses. As a coach, I have been amazed at the over emphasis in presentation coaching of observing and pointing out weaknesses of what I call “technique rather than substance”. For example, the trainer who focuses on negative things like poor eye contact, hands in the pocket, fill speech (eliminating Uhh’s and Um’s), low energy or just overall nervousness impacts presenters in a negative ways. We know from research that positive feedback at the ratio of 3 positive to 1 negative comments increases motivation and the probability of positive behavioral change.
One of my fundamental assumptions as a presentation coach is that each client has the potential and abilities within to learn how to be “great”. They just need to observe and concentrate on their strengths, like their great smile, their positive and contagious passion for their message and ability to challenge and engage the audience. To do this it is essential for the training program to use video feedback techniques like “interjective coaching and self-discovery” tools. When training techniques encourage participant’s active involvement in learning it brings out insights, strong motivation, and resourceful creative ways to build on strengths. From my perspective nothing is wrong or broken, and there is no need to fix the client,; they just need to belief in and practice what they are best at. The only problem is that presentation training programs have often focused on “fixing” the presenter rather than helping them find and use their strengths. The challenge here is that people often seek coaching precisely because they or their managers believe that something IS “wrong” or “broken” and something needs “fixing.” It’s essential for the coach and client to collaborate on identify strengths and develop an alternative perspective that focuses on the client’s strengths, because their capabilities–their belief, their resourcefulness for seeing their strengths-are the qualities that will generate going from “good to great” as public speakers.
Self- Coaching Challenge: Since I believe that a greater emphasis on amplifying strengths and successes is more efficient, more effective, and more fulfilling in changing behavior I am offering a FREE NO CHARGE ANALYSIS of your presentation skills. Over the next thirty days, just send me a u-tube video or home video of your last presentation or of a practice session that you would like feedback on. I will provide a one page presentation evaluation checklist that we will use to observe and identify your speaking strengths and you will be well on your way to becoming a GREAT presenter.