Weekly Quote and Challenge: Learning to Handle Crucibles in Life by Assessing Your Grit Factor

Weekly Quote: “Life is what happens when you’re expecting something else.”

Reflection: With all of life’s uncertainties, we need to learn and accept what life brings us and use these difficult experiences to create opportunities for personal learning and growth.

Research shows that Significant Emotional Experiences (SEE) or what we now call traumatic experiences can result in post-traumatic growth or problems depending on our perception, grit and resilience. Positive learning following SES starts by acknowledging that life is not based on certainty facing and embracing ambiguity as a fundamental principle of human existence. It also requires self-awareness to acknowledge your personal responsibility for the choices you make and learning about what you control or don’t control in life. You cannot go through life without getting knocked down and experiencing suffering and pain. The question is how you will respond, and whether you will come back stronger than ever (resilience). Rather than living a depressed and angry life, suppressing the realities and crucibles of life I recommend you turn them into opportunities by challenging yourself to learn and grow from these inevitable twists and turns of life.

Self-Coaching Challenge: Make an assessment  of your “grit” developed by Dr. Duckworth and her collegues  then identify what you need to do to develop more grit. Also, identify the crucibles and difficulties you are now facing and how are you handling the situation. Make a plan for learning and start today to adjust your thinking that these difficult and SEE experiences won’t happen to you.

Note: Defining “grit”

“Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Angela Duckworth 

 

One Way for dealing with Change and Loss–Understanding the “SEE” Effect.

Significant Emotional Experience (SEE)

Change. For most of us it takes a significant emotional experience  or event (SEE) to wake us up or get our attention and this in turn motivate us to explore and change our behaviors, ideas or focus and purpose and meaning in life.  Some of these emotional experiences are based in suffering from losing a loved one, a change in financial circumstances, divorce or relationship break-up, physical illness or disability  or changes in our jobs or geography. These changes are wake-up calls or an awaking that we are loss or want more out of life than merely getting to the end unscathed. These events cause most of us to re-assess life’s bigger questions—Who are we and what do we want to do with our life? These situations cause a disruption or pain that does not go away until we step up and resolve the issues or change our view and actions about how to live our lives and create a meaning and purpose for living. Start telling yourself new messages, believing in focused attention and turning down or off the inner fears or critic. Every time your inner critic begins to tell you that you are loser, stop him. Say, “No! That’s BS. Here’s the truth.” Then repeat your new message or affirmation.

For example, At a critical moment in a tennis match the inner critic says you always miss the important points or you are a choker when the match hinges on your ability to serve out a match to win. You say STOP. Take a deep breath and remember times when you have overcome steep hills to win. You visualize winning the point and turn it over to your fluid and natural Self 2. You play every point going down to the wire with focus on the “here and now” moment and remind yourself of comebacks in the past. You say to the inner critic I am not a loser and I don’t quit. I just need to focus on the next shot and do the best I can.!