Secret to connecting and effective Relationships—Review and reflect on this approach

No time for Judgments–they limit our view of others potential for growth.

” It is one of those simple  but beautiful paradoxes of life: When a person feels they are being judged or evaluated they resist personal change and become defensive. When a person feels truly accepted by another, then they are freed to look more truthfully at the effects of their words and behavior on others. As they become more open they can move from defensiveness and being stuck to thinking about how and in what ways they want to change in order to grow so that they might become more of what they are capable of being.”
― Mark W. Hardwick , Ph.D.

In almost every phase of our lives – at home, at school, at work – we find ourselves under the rewards and punishments of external judgments. “That’s good;” “that’s bad;” “that’s wonderful work;” “that’s stupid and a failure;” “that’s good coaching;” “that’s poor coaching.” Such judgments are a part of an attack on our self-efficacy and worth that goes on daily from infancy to old age. I don’t believe that judgments and evaluations provide any social purpose or usefulness to institutions and organizations such as the military, legislative bodies, schools or business organizations. Just think about the effectiveness of war in bringing about an end to conflicts etc.

Like everyone else, I find myself all too often making such judgments and in my experience, they do not make for effective relationships, reduction of interpersonal conflicts, or  increase in opportunities for personal growth, and therefore I do not believe that they are a part of  healthy, constructive or meaningful way to live your life. Curiously enough, a positive evaluation is as threatening in the long run as a negative one, since to inform someone that they are good implies that you also have the right to tell them about their short-comings or weaknesses. So I have come to feel that the more I can keep a relationship free of judgment and evaluation, the more this will provide more space for the other person to discover that to change or grow lies within themselves. They have the power to make choices and be responsible for how they are going to live their life.  The meaning and value of what to do in different situations in the last analysis is something which is up to them. My role becomes more supportive and helpful the more I move away from advice giving or judgment. I have learned that no amount of pressure or external rewards can persuade someone to do something they are not committed to do.  So I should like to work toward developing relationships in which I am not evaluating or judging other people’s choices or behavior. This I believe can set people free to discover their strengths and be a self-responsible person.

Philosophy of Self-Directed Solution Coaching -The C.A.R.E. Framework

People who are using CARE say: “It helps me focus on my strengths and the future I want, rather than the past or problems”.

CARE®—Stands for:

1. Constructive & Clear Goals

2. Awareness–Self and others (relatedness)

3.  Responsible and Rational Thinking ( Certainty and control)

4. Engagement through Meaningful Self-Coaching practices. (autonomy and independence)  

CARE® is a philosophical and practical, self-discovery and effective communication system developed by Mark W. Hardwick, Ph.D. from research and interviews of people who have experienced business, political, interpersonal and life happiness. The target for this  “process with structure” are people who are continuously trying to create meaning and live a life on purpose through effective mental and behavioral life strategies and tools.

CARE is designed to:

  • Increase caring activities to overcome barriers of self-destructive thinking and behaviors.
  • Challenge false assumptions and perceptions about who you are and where you want to go. Focus on mental maps and mental toughness.
  • Identify and change thinking by accepting the past and feelings. Then executing behaviors to create a meaningful and improved Quality of life.
  • Increase personal empowerment and skills to achieve personal goals and dreams by finding balance between your inner and outer lifes.

CARE is a structured system with proven and powerful tools and processes to monitor uncomfortable and distressing symptoms. The system can help you modify or eliminate those unwanted responses and behaviors by using clear, concise solutions and constructive daily actions. This includes methods for how you want others to treat and respond to you both in ordinary circumstances and difficult situations. These new behaviors and responses will help you grow, develop and live your life on purpose and with meaning.

Self-Directed Solution Coaching (SDSC) is a personal development framework focused on present realities, personal strengths and new mental maps to meet the demands and desired wants for the future. The framework uses cognitive behavior change process and reality ‘target coaching conversations’, as a new way of thinking, feeling, self- talking and behaving.

This coaching framework is grounded and based upon neurology research, social psychology and rational-emotive change philosophy. It focuses on what clients want to achieve through coaching rather than on past issues or problems. The approach focuses on the past only in order to activate conversations about solutions, resources and past successes. Predominantly, it purposefully activates and focuses conversations on the present and future.

Critical developmental tools of the SDSC “structure with process” are  “plus one exercises” and “smart-step change” methods designed to challenge old habits and  invite the self-directed coaching process to envision a preferred future. The self-coach learns by focusing on self-awareness and insights into personal strengths that motivate the person in the direction of positive small dose activities for constructive and continuous personal change. To support this, questions are asked about the self-coach’s  story, strengths and resources; and especially, about any exceptions to perceived problems and reasons for not taking action. In the “structure with process” system focus on what you will do and not on what you won’t do is a powerful source and motivation for personal development and change. Get specific. Be realistic. Be optimistic. Have clarity on end point and how many steps it will take to reach your goal. Be mentally tough in recognizing and removing distractions. Train your inner critic to be more self-compassionate when things fail or don’t go as you desire they would.

The Self-Directed Solution coaching framework believes personal change is already constant. By helping people identify positive directions for change in their life and to attend to changes currently in process they wish to continue. The SDSC structure help people construct a concrete vision and a purposeful plan to create a preferred future for themselves.

Self-awareness, self-determination, personal responsibility, empowerment, and self-advocacy are essential to implementing the Self-Directed Coaching Process.

The following core assumptions are at the root of Self-Directed Solution Coaching and provide key ideas that drive the practice and techniques of this coaching framework:

  • Change is constant, inevitable, and contagious. And successful people need to learn how to deal with change and embrace it.
  • Self-Directed solution-building conversations identify, elaborate, and reinforce positive change in behavior.
  • You are THE “expert” on your life. The Self-Coaching “structure with process”  framework is designed to support and amplify this expertise by building on self-awareness and strengths of the coach–YOU
  • The presumption that change is all we can count on in life and that it will occur, creates an atmosphere empowerment and autonomy  of “when,” not “if.”
  •  You have strengths, resources, and managerial coping skills that drive change while generating optimism and hope for living a more constructive and meaningful life.


Personal Development Project–Discovering Life through Daily Reflection

Personal Development and Change Process   Learn the Power of Reflection. Change  your thinking and change your life. Mark W. Hardwick, Ph.D. 

Process Mission and Objectives 


Meaningful Constructive Living is 52 weeks of hope, daily reflection and inspiration. This once-a-week all year long opportunity for personal growth  is designed to give you the grounding you need to keep your heart focused on what matters your values and priorities –living in the “here and now”  truth of your own story. The aim of the Meaningful Constructive Living person change process is to engage and empower you to significantly increase your ability to live a more self-directed and reflect life. With all the stress and change coming at you in an ever increasing pace it is crucial to possess a ” recover process”  that keeps you balanced and grounded in what’s important to you in living a more fulfilled and meaningful life.  Based on the work and research of  Dr. Mark W.Hardwick, Meaningful Constructive Living is about creating the life you want to live.. This challenge is for anyone who desires to develop and nurture an openness and authenticity in living day to day your dreams and hopes. This process is a simple, clear model that fits into your daily living.

Process with Structure

You receive a quote and reflection direct to your inbox each Monday to set the tone for your week. Emotionally rich images from painter and author Todd Hardwick (son) accompany each weekly reflection. In addition to your daily quotes and  reflection from Dr. Mark’s teaching and Todd’s  dimensional drawings , you’ll receive a weekly wrap or action plan for change to help your thinking and actions to be in sync so as to create your Meaningful Constructive life.

Registration is only $ 30 dollars and is open for enrollment any time.

After payment, you must confirm your subscription by clicking on the link you’ll receive via email.