Daily Quote and Reflection: Next Time around–What would you do more of…

Daily Quote: “ I dare to make more mistakes next time. I would limber up. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and skip more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more troubles, but I would have fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of those people who live seriously, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, but if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else, just moments,one after the other instead of living so many years ahead of each day.  I’ve been one of those people who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a rain coat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I’d travel lighter than I have. I would start barefoot earlier in the Spring, and stay that way later in the Fall . I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go rounds. I would pick more daisies. Nadine Stair, 86 years old.

Reflection: I still have time so I am going to do more traveling,  spend more time in the mountains and at the beach. Continue to capture my thoughts and ideas in my blogging journal. I am going to worry less about money and more about enjoying the moment. I am going to spend more time with Grand Kids enjoying their wonder and fun.

Daily quote and Reflection—Failure is but a stopping point on the way…

Quote: “Our doubts are traitors, & make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing 2 attempt” . William Shakespeare 
” Failure … is, in a sense, the highway to success, in as much as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterward carefully avoid”.  John Keats, Poet

Failure is the world’s best teacher. If you fail enough, and continue to get back up, show you learn the lesson and then act with renewed knowledge and determination to reach your goal, will most likely succeed.  To accept failure, and to persist until you achieve, is the KEY to Success, in whatever you do. Without thoughtful action, reflection and reaction you’re left with just dreams. Dreams are okay but can become frustrating without action. and therefore are useless. By just dreaming you never have to test your ideas against reality and falsely exclaiming to everyone that you are a genius.

When you act you must act over and over again– remember the 10,000 hour rule of performance and experience to reach mastery of your goal. This is hard work – constant action, data collection, feedback and retrying learning cycle.   The more you act on a single goal, the more you will fail, and with failure comes success!

You cannot achieve anything without constant, single-minded action toward a goal. At first (and many times along the path) you will fail. Why is that important? Because as Keats said  “Failure is the world’s way of pointing out exactly what you need to achieve before you can move on to the next level of success.”

Getting started on Meaningful Constructive Living:Are you Ready for the Challenge?

Memory grips the past, hope secures the future. You don’t take the trip, the trip takes you. John Steinbeck, author

As you begin to explore and contemplate changes in your life there are at least three things you must under take to be ready to explore more growth, development and  self-awareness.  The following  is self- diagnostic premier to assess your readiness  for increasing self-awareness:

1. You must be open to accepting the challenge for figuring out who you are and how and why you function and react as you do.

2. You must accept that you are responsible for doing the hard work of reviewing and capturing your thoughts, feelings,  values, needs and actions.

3. You must stop rationalizing, denying or just plain lying about who you are to avoid the discomfort and pain of self-discovery.

4. You must be willing to question everything and draw your own conclusions based on the observations, and evidence you gather

So if you can answer yes to the above items I think you are ready to get started.  Tomorrow I will explore provide a framework for your exploration and a process to facilitate  your journey.


Daily Quote and Reflection: Living Your Life On Purpose

I cam across a couple of quotes the other day that I thought might be worthwhile to reflect on{
Quotes: “Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfect..”  St. Francis De Sales  Rumi, the poet,  once claimed, “It is better to live the questions than always know the answers.”

Reflection: For me these quotes  began a process of exploring life’s  two great questions, “Am I living my life in a meaningful way? Am I making a difference?  These questions are important and the answers are hard to find and accept. So maybe it is in asking the question that we gain the power of self-understanding because It awakens us to pay attention and observe what is going on around us rather than just sitting in our own bath water.  The earlier in our adult life that we confront this question the quicker we get on a path toward a life of meaning, significance, and purpose.  Realistically, it is a road filled with personal development and exploration, identity issues and strengths for us to focus on.

Asking the question is an indicator of getting beyond ones self-centeredness  and thinking about how we interact and support others. It begins the process of becoming… as Carl Rogers called it.  Of course, the next logical question is, “How will I make a difference?”

Over the years, many people have shared with me there frustrations and disappointments ,  they usually say something like this

—“At some point in my life, I figured I needed to make a change in my life.  I’ve discovered that my purpose is to make a difference.”  While acknowledging this important observation, I try to confront in a caring way  and ask, “Have you considered how your skills and strengths make you uniquely qualified  to be a difference maker?”  My hope is to move them toward a more concrete understanding and depth of seeing their greater contribution in more specific terms.

Of course On Becoming a difference maker begins by knowing who you are. When you know who you are, you hold a strategic advantage in life and work.

Challenge: Describe your best self?   Are you living your life constructively and on purpose?   Become who you are.

Be the best you are capable of becoming–Play to Succeed

“Life’s ultimate lesson–Do your BEST and do it with ENTHUSIASM and KINDNESS that’s all you can ask of yourself because no one is perfect.”  m.w. hardwick

Want to know success try some of the following–

1. Be  too gracious for animosity, and to humble to brag…just use what you have

2. Don’t focus on not losing. Focus on doing your best given what talents you have and the situation you are in.

3. Focus on your strengths not weaknesses–make the most of what you been given.

4. Keep illusions away by focusing on reality and who you are. Always live your beliefs and values. This will you on the journey rather than getting stuck in momentary wins or loses.

5. Real winners want thrive in moments of maximum pressure–they want ball at the end of the game. Pressure brings increased focus and improved performance.

6. Every relationship has its highs and lows just don’t let your disappointment over shadow the bright shinning moments. Agree to disagree is a relationship saver.

In order to grow and develop we have to change ourselves. I’m working on me, what about you? What are your life lessons. Share one for the community to discuss.

Want more support in Meaningful and Purposeful Living: Learn and Practice Naikan

These ideas are not new to Meaningful and Purposeful Living (MPL). This awareness can be found in many philosophies and spiritual disciplines. Meaningful living ‘s perspective derives from a Japanese practice called Naikan. This practice has been popularized in the West by the translator and writer of Constructive Living, Dr. David Reynolds. Living (CL) is a Western approach to mental health education based in large part on adaptations of two Japanese psychotherapies, Morita and Naikan therapy.

Meaningful and Purposeful Living is an expansion of CL beyond the Japanese philosophies by incorporating ideas on mindfulness, learning, mental toughness and rational living developed by American psychotherapists and behavioral science researchers and authors such as, Dr. Albert Ellis and Maltsby (RET and RBC) Dr. William Glasser (Reality Therapy)  Tim Gallwey and Dr. James Leoher Inner Game and Mental Toughness) Carl Rogers (Client-Centered therapy) and many others. In essence Meaningful and Purposeful Living principles are an educational method for approaching life realistically and rationally.  The action planning and execution phase  of Meaningful and Purposeful Living emphasizes accepting reality (including feelings), creation of personal vision, focusing on life goals , and doing what needs doing to achieve your full potential.   The gratitude and appreciation aspect of enables us to understand who in the past or present clearly guided and supported us in life. Naikan urges us to  live in recognition of the support we receive from others. One of the techniques used to open up awareness to Naikan’s power is the  use of  questions to help us gain a clearer understanding of reality and clearer view of life. The questions may be asked with reference to a person or an event in ones life. You are encouraged to use these questions as a daily reflection or action for change item. Called “Daily Naikan” practice, these questions provide a frame for assessing the day. I recommend keeping a Meaningful Life Experiences  journal to capture the details of the specific gifts, issues and ways to show gratitude and repay others.

These are the questions for reflection:

1. What have I received from ____?

2. What have I given to ________?

3. What difficulties and obstacles have I caused _____ ?

4. In what way can I show gratitude  for things done for me?

Try them out and add your own questions to see how this practice of giving back and gratitude practice will energize your life and help you stay on purpose.

First Rule Of Meaningful Living: Rational Thinking+New Mental Maps = Behavior Change

Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost.” M. Scott Peck Author

The essence of Meaningful Living Process is to develop a personal vision and strategic road map  linked to goals in all areas of your life: spiritual, personal, career, recreation, relationship, family, and finances. These seven areas became the foundation for creating a plan for Meaningful and Purposeful Living.

Are you one of the many people in this world who is dissatisfied with your life? Do you run day-to-day on autopilot? Have you settled for “good enough” rather than for “excellence” ? Are risks just too risky for you to try?  Are you sleep walking through life and don’t even know it?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are living by chance and default rather than “on purpose”.

In the next series of blogs I am going to attempt to facilitate your  breakthrough and discovery of meaning and passion for life through better thinking. This meaning and purpose will go beyond your career and material success—a passion that involves your identity, your self-worth, your relationships, and your health. It is time to emerge from your sleep, embrace renew your goals, embrace new-found energy and vitality, and approach life in a more constructive manner.

Meaningful Living  Personal Change Process is a practical tool that you can use to become more empathic and effective in many different situations. Change seems to happen when you have stopped “efforting” after what you think you should be and accept and experience–what you are. The magic questions are merely meant as broad guidelines to stimulate your thinking and actions.  As you become aware of what is, and of what you want, you become more at ease in establishing a meaningful dialogue with yourself. You need to develop flexibility in tailoring this process to fit your unique situation.  The key to success is for you to become more and more aware of how you are in charge …and all the options and choices that are yours to make in living a more constructive and fulfilling life.  You start to take action on your plans; even if they are just small changes.  This process will provide a simple structure for self renewal and personal coaching. Good Luck with the ML Self-Coaching model and keep us informed of your successes or when you get stuck. Remember in order to change– the new behavior must be put in place of old habits and this takes time (thirty to forty-five days). And never forget the old adage—Be the change you want to see happen.

The secret  to achieving self-renewal is to learn how to take more control over your rational and  irrational thoughts. This will require that you conquer the four interferences that are holding you back from living up to your greatest potential: need for approval and positive opinions of others, need for melodrama and being a tragedy queen, believe that the past is the determiner of present, and worrying about worry. By becoming aware of these prevarications and negative thought patterns  you will be better equipped to respond to uncertain times and to the challenges that crop up in your daily life.

Remember when you have an emotion, you first perceive it. Next you think and believe something about your perceptions. Then you have a gut feeling caused by your thoughts about an idea, person or situation and then you make a choice and act accordingly. Key concept is that actions usually follow feelings (positive or negative) not facts or events. In essence your thoughts cause your feelings so to change your behavior you must think differently. So in order to gain momentum for self-renewal it’s time to start to think rationally about your thinking so you can live a more meaningful and constructive life. As Maxie Maultsby, M.D. once said “You have to think better before you’ll feel better”.