One Way for dealing with Change and Loss–Understanding the “SEE” Effect.

Significant Emotional Experience (SEE)

Change. For most of us it takes a significant emotional experience  or event (SEE) to wake us up or get our attention and this in turn motivate us to explore and change our behaviors, ideas or focus and purpose and meaning in life.  Some of these emotional experiences are based in suffering from losing a loved one, a change in financial circumstances, divorce or relationship break-up, physical illness or disability  or changes in our jobs or geography. These changes are wake-up calls or an awaking that we are loss or want more out of life than merely getting to the end unscathed. These events cause most of us to re-assess life’s bigger questions—Who are we and what do we want to do with our life? These situations cause a disruption or pain that does not go away until we step up and resolve the issues or change our view and actions about how to live our lives and create a meaning and purpose for living. Start telling yourself new messages, believing in focused attention and turning down or off the inner fears or critic. Every time your inner critic begins to tell you that you are loser, stop him. Say, “No! That’s BS. Here’s the truth.” Then repeat your new message or affirmation.

For example, At a critical moment in a tennis match the inner critic says you always miss the important points or you are a choker when the match hinges on your ability to serve out a match to win. You say STOP. Take a deep breath and remember times when you have overcome steep hills to win. You visualize winning the point and turn it over to your fluid and natural Self 2. You play every point going down to the wire with focus on the “here and now” moment and remind yourself of comebacks in the past. You say to the inner critic I am not a loser and I don’t quit. I just need to focus on the next shot and do the best I can.!

Meaningful Living:Potential-interference = Performance

“We become what we think about all day long.” Emerson

So what is Self-Coaching and how does it work?

Self-Coaching then is about motivating yourself to fulfill your potential through self-awareness and by identifying ways to overcome obstacles and interferences that hold you back and practicing new behaviors to discover how to get around obstacles or replace them with natural strengths..

In his book The Inner Game of Work, Tim Gallwey (for many the Godfather of coaching)

offers the following equation as a way of understanding the true nature of coaching:

PERFORMANCE = Potential less Interference

This equation has important implications for managers and coaches as it recognizes that the working environment  can have a major impact on individual performance and productivity. It also provides the pathway for Self-coaching. Tips on Self-coaching follow:

1. Learning the Lessons of Self- Talk and tool for controlling it. “There is always an inner game being played in your mind no matter what outer game you are playing. How aware you are of this game can make the difference between success and failure in the outer game.” Tim Gallwey.

2. Capitalizing on Ambiguity and Change: It’s important to be responsive, flexible and nimble.   You need to learn why it’s vital to be comfortable with ambiguity and change – and to discover ways to increase your tolerance of uncertainty and be more pro-active.

3. Beyond Your Comfort Zone: Self- Reflection means challenging yourself and continually seeking feedback on how you impact others and then being being open to learning new things. The development of this mental set will help you to find and stretch your capabilities, by trying something new and reaching beyond your comfort zone.

Self-Coaching Exercise:   At the end of today identify three positive things that made you feel good about the work you are doing. Relate these three things to a strength you have; and share your observations with a friend.