Presentation of Self is a performance art and skill. Effective interpersonal communication is self leadership at its finest. It is all about having a developed sense self-efficacy which entails knowing who you are, what you can do, and where you are now and where you want to go. In addition to the above, you must have the ability to access and master self-awareness and reflective thinking by choosing to accept others relevant feedback and feelings or emotions surrounding decisions and personal change. Your success in self-coaching relies on using a “process and structure” that allows you to discover and choose what fits your needs, time and personal change goals and objectives.”Self leadership equates to the leadership competencies of observation, questioning, listening, reflection, problem solving and choices encompassed in the popular Emotional Intelligence category of Self Management. But most importantly self-coaching can impact all important values and priorities of your life, including health, education, career, relationships and spiritual arenas.For Self leadership to occur we have met our survival needs of food and shelter and begin to look for meaning in our lives.
The first skill of self leadership is to STOP and STEP BACK from the things that trigger us to react; because when we react we are being controlled by the trigger. The second skill is to consider our INTENTION. Intention is what is important to us, our values and what we are trying to achieve. By being intentional we can start to live a life of principled choice. Third step is soliciting and evaluating feedback concerning our actions.
Intention precedes any behavior (action). Actions have effects which we evaluate via feedback. A difference between the expected outcome (intention) and the feedback causes us to feel emotions and evaluate our impact on others. The meanings we make of these emotions can reinforce, reduce or distort our intentions. To make sense of this in your own life, consider something you are trying to achieve right now such as getting healthy, increasing your wealth or developing a relationship. Start with translating your intentions into appropriate actions.
- What is it you want to achieve?
- What actions do you need to take to achieve this?
- How do these actions align with your principles and values?
Once action has been taken it is necessary to be receptive to the feedback that the world will give in response to your action/s. The quality of the feedback is essential – the sooner you receive it, the sooner you can make adjustments. Beware your conditioned filters that might cause you to interpret feedback as criticism or to be selective about what you take notice of confirmation bias.
- What are the results of your actions?
- Is this feedback accurate?
- Am I soliciting feedback from others who will take the risk to be honest or are they just trying to please you?
- Are you selectively filtering the feedback?
The feedback we receive causes us sensations/emotions from which we make meaning.
- What am I feeling?
- What does this mean?
- What else could this mean?
- What changes do I need to make to correct this perception?
By asking these self coaching questions you pave the way for a rapid feedback loop that will enable you to make the adjustments required in your communication/behavior to achieve your outcome. If problems arise start first by checking your intention, then your behavior, then the feedback and finally your emotions.
Daily Quote: “You are never really playing an opponent. You are playing yourself, your own highest standards, and when you reach your limits that is real joy.” Arthur Ashe
Reflection: The process of self-coaching and reflecting on your life experiences actually creates the space for you to grow both professionally and personally. When you become more self-aware and develop the ability to reflect and examine your experiences, then write about your insights, especially people and situations that have changed your life you over the years, you reduce your insecurities and daily stress levels, improve your confidence and belief in your abilities to handle difficult and stressful situations and enjoy a healthier emotional life.