Self-Doubt –Learn to Use the Challenge Response of Self-Efficacy

” Self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the sources of action required to manage prospective situations…remember self-belief does not necessarily ensure success, but self-disbelief assuredly spawns failure…People who regard themselves as highly efficacious act, think, and feel differently from those who perceive themselves as in-efficacious. They produce their own future, rather than simply foretell it…People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided.” Dr. Albert Bandura 
From Social Foundations of Thought and Action: A Social Cognitive Theory., 1986.

A concise summary by psychology.about.com describes why the theory of self-efficacy is so important in the psychology of self is because  self-efficacy can have an impact on everything from psychological states to behavior to motivation. Most people can identify goals they want to accomplish, things they would like to change in their behavior, and things they would like to achieve. However, most people also realize that putting these plans into action is not quite so simple. Bandura and others have found that an individual’s self-efficacy plays a major role in how goals, tasks, and challenges are approached.

” People with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

  • View challenging problems as tasks to be mastered
  • Develop deeper interest in the activities in which they participate
  • Form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities
  • Recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments

People with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

  • Avoid challenging tasks
  • Believe that difficult tasks and situations are beyond their capabilities
  • Focus on personal failings and negative outcomes
  • Quickly lose confidence in personal abilities”
Self-Doubt is a difficult burden to carry around everyday. The next time you have self-doubt challenge this negative thought or opinion about you. To survive and thrive in this life means that you need to find your own inner compass of strength and build unshakable confidence and BELIEF about who you are and what your strengths are for building a fulfilling and meaningful life. Don’t let other people define who you are and how you need to live your life.

MISTAKE #1: Accepting Other People’s  “Wrong Opinion” of You

In our desire to please people and get along, most people early in life decide it is more to their benefit to accept a bad opinion of themselves from a  parent, peer or teacher. – even if it’s not true, so as to be accepted and stay out of trouble.

“You’re terrible at sports because your feet are too big.”
“You don’t have the creativity to be an artist.”
“Your too weak to get stay the course and make a living as an actor.”
“Just give up the this dream of being a musician you don’t have a good ear and are tone-deaf. Find something more practical to do.”

I’ve noticed that many people accept these statements even when they don’t agree with them.

Then they go out and do something they don’t believe in and try to live the life set-out for them or encouraged by others. They do this even if they are not interested or passionate about the suggestions. Living a life chosen by others is a terrible choice because it makes you feel dependent and reduces your ability to live an autonomous and responsible life. You always have the excuse “I am just doing what you recommended for me to do.” I am sure these advice givers had good intentions but they robbed you of learning first hand what was best for you to do given your strengths and self-desires. This backdoor excuse reduces your ability to make decisions and reduces your ability to take ownership for your life.

This approach can will crush your confidence instantly.Why? Because to be confident, you need to trust yourself to make decisions and be able to tell yourself the truth. This dependency approach thus limits self-awareness and self efficacy. This approach of dismissing responsibility for choices is the root cause of self-doubt. This decision to believe others can do major damage to your confidence and emotion health and the ability to life an independent and reality based life.

Case in point: An employee I worked with was disappointed and upset about her lack of promotion to Supervisor on an important audit for the firm. She just wasn’t getting the best assignments because the Manager’s had decided she didn’t have the experience and ability to hand supervision of others. (yet).

What’s the message you think the Manager on the Furr’s audit is sending?” I asked her.

That I’m not good enough or smart enough to supervise others,” she said.

And how ARE you perceiving your skills and abilities to handle this assignment?” I asked her.

I’m not myself at all. I’m always nervous when interacting with others I am not trusting my training or instincts and I’m messing up even the simplest work papers and discussions with other colleagues or the client.” she said.

So what is the issue self-doubt, lack of communication or lack of training to learn the way to do these things – guess what?

This employee came from one of the best accounting schools in the country where she obtained B grades. She didn’t lose confidence because her manager didn’t allow her to supervise others or get good assignments. She lost it because she KNOWS she is a smart and competent auditor, but decided to believe and buy-in to a different view of herself by managers in her firm. When you lose self-belief or buy-in do other viewpoints about your abilities its ‘game over’ for your motivation and confidence.

Your self-belief or self-efficacy is your basic tool for success and overcoming barriers in your life.Question what you KNOW to be true, and you’ll do terrible damage to your career and your self belief. Now I know what you’re thinking.

“Mark, if I have a boss who thinks I’m not smart or experienced enough to be included as the supervisor on a project, then how dare I second-guess him or convince him I am ready. “

Easy. Ask him what he needs to see from her to show him she is ready to supervise this audit assignment. After he responds, set-up a mutual agreed to performance and training plan to get the experiences and training needed for your success. Be more assertive about your skills and abilities. That’s what your manager is hoping for, and anything less is a disservice to both of you. Your boss may be the smartest person alive, but even he doesn’t have a crystal ball and cannot predict the future. Heck, even Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team.

Remember, human beings are not built to persist and their belief in themselves and be crushed very easily by people they respect and look-up to. Unfortunately, many of us give up at the first sign of struggle, and the biggest struggle of all is believing in yourself even when no one else does.

You can change and in changing prove to others your competence and confidence to succeed where they thought you couldn’t. You can persevere and believe and with belief comes confidence and a positive self-fulfilling prophecy can be set in motion to change other people’s view and opinion of your abilities.

Want to get Start on Mindfulness and Meditation–Try the 5 R Approach its Simple and Works

Follow the 5 R’s for a mindful and simple meditation experience

by FRANK FORENCICH on NOVEMBER 7, 2013

Note: the following is from the upcoming book Beautiful Practice: A whole-life approach to health, performance and the human predicament. (estimated publication: February 2014) by Frank Forencich 

Daily Quote: “The faculty of voluntarily bringing back a wandering attention, over and over again, is the very root of judgment, character and will… An education which should improve this faculty would be the education par excellence”. William James

Frank Forencich goes on to say: “Confused by all the different and complex approaches to meditation? Here is a simple and powerful process : Focus the light of your attention on your breath and keep it there. When your attention wanders, bring it back to your breathing target with compassion and without judgment. (To put it in the simplest possible terms, this form of meditation is sometimes called “aim and sustain.”) This is the foundation practice for developing attentional stability and is the basis for other, more advanced forms of meditation”.

There are many meditation teachers of course and many variations on this theme. Here is one that you might find useful. It’s built on a series of prompts, each word beginning with the letter R. This makes it simple and easy to remember.

This meditation works best when led by a teacher. Students set up a relaxed position and settle in. Once everyone is comfortable, the teacher reads the following script in a calm voice, pausing and editing as desired:

1. Relax your entire body… every cell, every system, every joint, every limb, every organ, every vessel. Relax the core of your body, your abdomen and your torso. Relax into your breath.

2. Release your expectations and sceptic inside … Release your explanations and your commentary…Release your predictions, your calculations and your speculations… Release your ruminations about the past and your worries about the future.

3. Relinquish  and Reduce your attachment to thoughts, ideas, outcomes and points of view… Relinquish your defenses and your judgments…. Relinquish your opinions and your attitudes…reduce your pressure to be perfect and just accept what comes-up.

4. Receive your experience and focus on the  present moment, and all that comes with it… Feel what you’re feeling; experience what you’re experiencing… Allow your body and spirit to be one… Receive the vulnerability, insecurity, the uncertainty, the ambiguity and the emotion of the moment…Receive the gifts and show gratitude for other people’s help, care and love. Show gratitude for the kindness, support and compassion that has come your way…. Receive the totality of your life in whatever form it takes. (Note: see Rumi’s poem The Guest House.)

5. Return your attention to your breath.

Repeat this sequence as many times as desired. As you’ll discover, this guided practice is a form of relaxing work; it guides us through the process with an active, reversed effort. This sets us up to stabilize our attention and further develop our mindfulness.

Try it and let me know how it goes.

Daily Quote, Reflection and Self-Coaching Challenge: Begin With the End In Mind…

Daily Quote: You must begin to think of yourself as the person you want to be. Dr. David Viscott

Reflection: Once I heard someone say the most powerful thing about accomplishing goals. This wise person who I became friends with when training for the Dallas Marathon said ” When it comes to finishing the race I mean the last 5 miles of the 26,2 mile challenge–Whether you think you can or think you can’t … Your Right”. I must say he was right. I found the last 10 miles one of the biggest achievements in my athletic life. There were so many times I wanted to stop  that I stopped counting. Both physically and mentally I keep running into barriers, like the 16th mile hill that seem like a mountain. As I walked up the hill I told a friend that I was going to finish this race if it was the last “fucking” thing I did. She laughed and that laugh remained a joyful motivator for the rest of the race. The one lesson I learned in fulfilling this running goal was to trust myself. I realized that my body (a knee I could barely stand on for the last 2 miles)and mind would let me know if I needed to quit. I now use this past success when facing difficult challenges and use what I learned about perseverance, practice and mental toughness to help achieve any new challenges or targets in my life. I learned the 5 C’s of trust. Commitment to a goal, Consistency and need for Practice, Camaraderie, Competitiveness with self and Caring.

Self-Coaching Challenge: Identify what you want to achieve in the area of your personal fitness? Be specific about what and how you will go about achieving your goal. Identify the end result you want to achieve. Focus on what past win can you use to motivate you to get going and stick with your plan even during times that are difficult. Good Luck and Keep Us posted on your goal and achievements. If you need help let me know. Coach Mark

Note ” Begin with the end in mind” from-Steven Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Announcing the “SPARK” Framework for Self-Coaching available in 2014

 S.P.A.R.K. Framework and Underpinnings: The Fully Functioning Person

” The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change…If we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes, which our present system induces, then we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning.” Dr. Carl Rogers

Dr. Carl Rogers, father of Client-Centered Therapy (1961), believed that every person could achieve their goals wishes, and desires in life. When they did so self-actualization took place. This humanistic approach for Rogers was based on the belief that most people when provided the right conditions, support and structure are able to become more self-directed learners, self-aware, and self-actualized. These person’s were called fully functioning persons. This means that the person is in touch with the here and now, their subjective experiences and feelings, their strengths and weaknesses and a belief in continuous learning, growing and changing in life.

In many ways Rogers, regarded the fully functioning person as an ideal and one that people do not necessarily or ultimately achieve.

It is wrong to think of this as an end or completion of life’s journey; rather it is a process of always becoming and changing.

Rogers identified five characteristics of the fully functioning person:

1. Open to experience

    : both positive and negative emotions accepted. Negative feelings are not denied, but worked through (rather than resort to ego defence mechanisms).

2. Existential living: in touch with different experiences as they occur in life, avoiding prejudging and preconceptions. Being able to live and fully appreciate the present, not always looking back to the past or forward to the future (i.e. living for the moment).

3. Trust in feelings: feeling, instincts and gut-reactions are paid attention to and trusted. People’s own decisions are the right ones and we should trust ourselves to make the right choices.

4. Creativity and Openness: the ability to adjust and change and seek new experiences.

5. Fulfilled life: person is happy and satisfied with life, and always looking for new challenges and experiences.

For Rogers, fully functioning people are well-adjusted, well-balanced and interesting to know. Often such people are high achievers in society. Critics claim that the fully functioning person is a product and myth of Western culture. In other cultures, such as Eastern cultures, the achievement of the group is valued more highly than the achievement of any one person.

Announcing an exciting personal and leadership development modules for 2014:

The Self-Coaching Guided Mastery Process: S.P.A.R.K.  

 

 S--tructure withProcess and Plus-One Approach for personal development

Purpose for living a Meaningful and fulfilling Life  

Awareness of Inner and Emotional Self 3 through Awareness

R-elationships with Self and Others

Know and Do what you need to do to reach full potential

** Stay tuned I am going to be rolling-out the S.P.A.R.K:  Structure with Process methodology and Modules for Self-Coaching in the first quarter of 2014.

 

Daily Quote and Reflection–What works best: More Data and Rational Thinking or Better use of Heart or Gut

 Daily Quote: “A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if

that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately.

Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . .

Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.”

— Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan 

Reflection: Carlos Castaneda is arguing for us to have more patience and persistence when purpose our purpose in life. Then, he is challenging us to be smart about how long we need to pursue a “path” that isn’t working for us. The burden of his insightful quote and message is for us to know our strengths and direction for living a purposeful life. In others have some measures to indicate whether our direction is working. The petty of his quote is that he does not mention data or knowledge as the most important measurement. His advice is to use our “heart” as the way to evaluate if our direction is working. If by “heart” he means measuring and staying in touch with our passion, intuition and “gut feelings” I agree fully with him.

Everyone has intuitive experiences but few know how to use intuition effectively because we tend to talk about intuition as a single ability where, in fact, there are several levels of intuitive abilities.  They are not the same and not useful in the same ways.  For example, the most common intuitive experience is the common “gut feeling”.  A gut feeling is an intuitive reaction to something either positively or negatively.  When we experience a gut feeling it is an indicator that we are on the right track or that something is wrong. The big question you need to be aware of when a decision based on your “heart” or “gut” is whether we can trust our feelings more than our rational thinking to make a decision? I suggest that we listen to our gut feeling and use it as an indicator but not necessarily they ultimate decision maker. Stop and listen to you uncomfortable feelings. Then step back and take a break which allows you to be more aware of other possible alternatives and weigh the consequences of our pending decision. Ask yourself what you are or not seeing on your chosen path? Get clarity on what is working or not working for you?  What is blocking or interfering with you reaching your goals?

Self-Coaching Challenge: In your coaching process use your journal to explore whether your purpose or path is working for you and what you need to do or change if it isn’t working. Learning to make non-emotional decisions based on life experiences and some relaxation exercises and mediation have proven best for me. The key to the ability to use your unconscious and intuitive skills is practice and awareness that it is trying to tell you something. Just learn to listen, then decide and act with 100% commitment. 

Self-Coaching: Power of Questioning for Connecting

“I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think…true knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. Socrates

Have you ever experienced the Socratic way of learning–and self-discovery? You begin by asking your inner-self questions to challenge your present thinking and behaving. This produces more self-awareness and understanding of who you are and what you want to become in living a life of making difference. It also can support your teaching and presentation style by challenging learners to think and discover questions that can then make your communication or presentation more relevant to their life.

This method of Socratic questioning illuminates the importance of questioning in self-awareness and clear thinking.  Socrates stated that questioning was the only defensible form of teaching. It illuminates the difference between systematic and fragmented thinking. It teaches us to dig beneath the surface of our ideas and not just memorize stuff for a presentation or interpersonal communication. It teaches us the value of developing questioning minds to cultivate deep learning. The Art of Socratic questioning is intimately connected with learning because  questioning is important to the excellence of thought.

The word “Socratic” adds to the art of questioning because it signals depth and interest in assessing the truth or information about our self and others in the situations they are confronting. Many people are afraid that by asking questions they will look weak, ignorant, or unsure. They like to give the impression that they are decisive and in command of the relevant issues. They fear that asking questions might introduce uncertainty or show them as uninformed or incompetent. They like being perceived as the expert. In fact, asking questions is a sign of strength and intelligence – not a sign of weakness or uncertainty. Great leaders constantly ask questions of themselves and many different people to show they are aware of different points of view and that they do not have all the answers. Some people are in such a hurry to get things done that they do not stop to ask questions because it might slow them down. They risk rushing headlong into making poor decisions and then taking the wrong actions in complex situations.

As politicians, peers, friends, family members, colleagues, or managers how do we avoid making these split second  decisions? One technique is to stop and check assumptions, weigh the alternatives and potential consequences by first asking questions. Start with very basic, broad questions then move to more specific areas to clarify your understanding. Open questions are excellent – they give the other people a chance to weigh-in and open up the discussion, so as to arrive at a better decision. Examples, of open questions are: • What obstacles keep the government from bailing out home owners? •  What are the factors that caused our recent economic melt down? • How can we reduce a further melt down of the economy? • Where does an individual or bank’s authority and responsibility end and government authority through regulation begin to override risky individual choices• Tell me more about your personal experiences in securing a business loan? Questions for a meaningful conversation need not be scripted because as we actively listen and tune-in to responses we can spontaneously formulate more in-depth or probing questions. Be patient in your responses and never interrupt the speaker. The desire to state our ideas, insights, points of view and wisdom is hard to resist. The method of asking questions to deepen our understanding and provides more clarity of the issues before identifying the root issue in making critical decisions and taking action.

Asking questions is a very effective method to build trust and shows your interest in getting other people’s viewpoint of the problem and finding the best alternative for constructive action. A word of caution-questions maybe be perceived as an interrogation and threatening rather than as a friendly way to connect unless you show interest in the responses. Try to pose each question in a calm way so that the learning climate is experienced as positive by all those involved in the discussion. Be especially cognizant of your non-verbal symbols such as, finger pointing or  jab your index finger like the “critical parent”. Try to speak and use positive and welcoming hand jesters, such as open palms.

Try to practice asking more opened questions in conversations will make a person feel understood and indicate that you care what they have to say. Instead of telling someone what you think or immediately providing advise – ask them a question and you will be perceived as caring, open, and engaging person.

Questions help us to teach as well as to learn. If you are open too new thinking and renewal the lesson’s life offers will enhance your ability to develop and grow your decision-making processes and effectiveness. If it is obvious that asking questions is such a powerful way of learning why do we stop and asking questions? For some people the reason is that they think that they have learned all there is to know on a subject–the “know-it-all style or they see it as a WAY OF SUCCEEDING STATUS TO OTHERS THUS TAKING AWAY THEIR INFLUENCE OR CONTROL OF THE SITUATION. Others like to hear themselves talk or thinking leading is dominating the conversation. Some people become bored, lazy or worn down by fighting the same battles for change year in and year out. They want to maintain their comfort level by holding onto old and tried and true “mental maps”, assumptions and solution or ideas which they believe are correct and unchanging. For example, cutting taxes leads to a strong economy. They try old solutions that might or might not fit the new circumstances.This approach leads them to be stuck in the past. And many times they end up failing by trying to maintain the status quo and their comfort level.

Self-Coaching Challenge: This week spend time with your team in reviewing the importance of questioning and practicing it when discussing an important issue. Ask yourself about how this changed the discussion? What went differently? Did asking questions improve your team’s collaborative behavior? Was the outcome of the decision-making process better or about the same before you institutes and rewarded more questioning?  Remember–Being able to ask yourself or your team tough questions and then to forge an answer everyone can live with increases self-awareness, personal growth and team effectiveness.

 

Daily Quote and Reflection: Ralph Waldo Emerson on Success

Daily Quote:

” To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 Reflection: If you are struggling to find a purpose in life this quote will get you going.It’s message clear, concise and compelling. Especially his focus on making one life better and leaving world a better place.

Self-Coaching Challenge: 

” If you want to fill your cup with knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge”. Confucius  

If you want to discover your purpose or meaning in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false assumptions and absolute beliefs. Some of these beliefs you have been taught by parents, teachers or spiritual leaders and others you have just made up to get by in life. 

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, here is one of the simplest ways to accomplish this challenge  The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster your positive “self-fulling” proposition will kick-in for you. 

Here’s what to do:

  1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up blank document in your word processor .
  2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
  3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you energized and you feel in your gut. This is your purpose.
  5. Post your purpose statement in a visible place by your computer or on your mirror at home.
  6. Verbal repetition and affirm through practice will help you keep your purpose top of the mind as you go through a busy day. 

Daily Quote and Reflection: Eliminating “Inner Kill” on Your Journey to Personal Growth

Daily Quote: “The art of dying and not knowing it. Inner Kill is not growing. Giving up on yourself. It’s taking the safe way. Always covering yourself instead of taking risks.It’s reacting. Not thinking. It’s giving up control of your life to whatever or whoever is around you. Inner Kill is the death of self-respect”. Dr. Richard Leider 

Reflection: Dr.Leider, CEO and Founder of the Inventure Group, in this essay and exercise on the Purpose Check-up challenges us to explore the concept of living on purpose and of “playing to win” in life. Dr. Leider wants us to stay attuned to and engaged in life. He challenges us to conduct a Purpose of Life Check-up just as we do a physical check-up. He calls this approach to giving-up on self-respect and your worth–Inner Kill. In living a life of Inner Kill we abandon any sense of worth and trying to figure out  who we really are or want to be. I believe our search for our identity is a way of staying engaged in life. We search out our inner demons and hopefully accept them along with our strengths and then make ourselves open to and visible in the external world. We do this by being conscious, courageous, truthful and vulnerable in our daily comings and goings in life. 

Self-Coaching Challenge: Dr. Leider has provided an excellent and insightful exercise for gaining more self-understanding of our own personal development in the Outer, Inner and spiritual aspects of our life called: the Purpose Check-up. I would recommend taking this check-up as you start to taking inventory of  how you have lived your life in 2013. This  challenge becomes our individual quest and individual journey. The essence of this new discovery is that the true self would much rather fail at its own life than succeed at someone else’s. Don’t risk living a lie it is to risky and really unsatisfying. Most of our personal growth is a journey of self-awareness. Don’t let live pass you by. Stop sleep walking and start living a Purposeful and Meaningful life. 

Happy Friday Quote– Reflecting on who you are and what you want in life…

Quote: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.”  — Kurt Vonnegut

Reflection: Vonnegut nailed–We all need to slow-down and find out what’s really inside us.

Self-Coaching Challenge: Take 30 min. this weekend to relax…the capture your thoughts on who you really want to be…

Have Fun, Coach, Mark 

Daily Quotes and Reflection: The Art of Effective Communication

Quotes: On Art of Communication

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Barnard Shaw “

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Dr. Peter Drucker

“Any problem, big or small …always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening. Emma Thompson

Continue reading “Daily Quotes and Reflection: The Art of Effective Communication”

Introducing the Self-Coaching Plus One Model for Self-Development

Plus 1 Self-Coaching for Self-Development

“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to life for.” Viktor Frankl

Those individuals who are truly growing and happy in their lives are on a quest to discover their purpose for living.  Our self-coaching, person-centered development model, supports the journey for finding and creating a more fulfilling purpose in life. Fulfilling our purpose for being is a natural condition of living and is critical for living a more satisfying life by finding our strengths and gifts to make a positive contribution and difference in this complex and vexing world.

The Plus-One “process with structure” approach is unique in the world of coaching. We have investigated and researched the “best-in-class” ways to create a positive learning approach for personal change. At the core of our philosophy are proven methods to motivate and inspire our client’s to discover  and change their thinking and behavior through perseverance, patience and practice. We encourage clients to uncover and focus on their responsibility to make their own choices in life. The self-coaching activities are designed to emphasize the individual’s inherent right to choose and support their own development focused on their purpose, worth and dignity. 

Unlike traditional one-one coaching the plus-one process  is based on self-direction using the process of discovery and client choice. The individual is his own coach and counselor. The “process with structure” framework support the individual through guided exercises on self-awareness, strengths identification, goal setting and self-development challenges. It encourages individuals to choose what changes they want to make in order to fulfill their needs and reach their full potential. The “process with structure” activities are designed to uncover information and support reflective thinking to establish Smart-Steps and Plus 1 practices to bring about the personal changes and new behavior desired.

Once you understand the Smart-Step Process you are on the road to significant personal change and getting unstuck.  Specific change goals replace other people’s expectations and help you focus on what is really your purpose and important priorities in your life. Being and living in the moment is critical to developing confidence. It means learning to trust and believe in your ability to accept the challenge. Developing this change posture means that you must accept more vulnerability and take more risk. Trust is directly related to your ability to be open and for you to be experienced as authentic by others. Specific approaches are designed in the “process with structure” approach to challenge your present mental maps and behaviors so as to lead you to do what you set out to do to live a more purposeful and fulfilling life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

 

Daily Quote and Reflection: Self-Belief

Quote :“If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the drive, and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done…Every time a football player goes to ply his trade he’s got to play from the ground up – from the soles of his feet right up to his head. Every inch of him has to play. Some guys play with their heads. That’s O.K. You’ve got to be smart to be number one in any business. But more importantly, you’ve got to play with your heart, with every fiber of your body. If you’re lucky enough to find a guy with a lot of head and a lot of heart, he’s never going to come off the field second…I believe in human decency. But I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour — his greatest fulfillment to all he holds dear — is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.Vince Lombardi

Reflection: Coach Lombardi is talking about great leadership being based on individual achievement to give your all and winning. The X factor for him in the success of a leader was to challenge yourself to have a positive mental map that focused on clear thinking, discipline, mental toughness, perfect practice and the desire to be victorious in what ever endeavor you pursue. His philosophy was reality focused based on the belief that we all choose what we do with our lives and that we are responsible for our choices. Responsibility is defined as learning to choose behaviors that satisfy our needs and, at the same time, do not deprive others of a chance to do the same. He was an assertive leader who at times pushed players to heights they did not think they could go. Yet, he was very well-respected and loved by all. He preferred players who were more self-directed and responsible for their development but showed how leaders need to respect the individual strengths of his players in finding the right formula for building a winning team. 

Self-Coaching Challenge:  What is your philosophy of leading? How does your philosophy compare to Vince Lombardi’s “win at any cost” but do it  fairly and within the rules of the game? If you belong to a team what has been your finest hour? 

Daily Quote and Reflection: Tao or “the way” for more Effective Time Management

Daily Quote and Reflection: 

“The way of nature is unchanging. Not knowing constancy leads to disaster.
Knowing constancy, the mind is open”.  Lao Tsu’s Tao message 

or

            “ We are disturbed not by events, but by the perception & importance we give them & hold about them”.  Epictetus 

Reflection:

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Respect others, determine what is important, trust your choices, and everything is possible.” MWH

  • Efficiency is your friend if you are focused on doing the important and right things in life which by the way is called effectiveness.  Don’t put in loads of work, effort and time if the thing you are doing does not have the potential to yield profound results.
  •  Do not clutter your mind. Reduce how much information you take-in—Step back and reflect on the most important “thing” to do right now”
  • Success formula –In work and play effectiveness ( doing the right or most important thing) is a way to become a master of your personal time and energy and yet efficiency ( doing things right) is also an important dimension for consideration. 
  • Remember doing the right thing  (effectiveness)  is more important than doing things right (efficiency). But doing them both makes you a more successful as a leader.

 Self-Coaching Challenge: Many of us complain that we don’t have enough time to the stuff that is required of us. We all have the same amount of time per week–168 hours. The human mind has the infinite potential on how to spend our limited resource of time, so to be more effective, efficient and happier with your use of time think of one priority you need to do tomorrow and do it. No ifs,and or buts. Just saying so…

Manifesto declaring the importance of Self-Directed Coaching

Just wanted to provide my readers with the philosophical and operating principles that make Self-Directed Coaching effective. They are:

  1. Belief in the other person’s ability to change and grow. Establish the connection and mindset that when people are believed in they begin to discover their strengths and believe in themselves.
  2. Trust others; they learn to trust you and then themselves.
  3. Human beings have a deep and unending need to be understood and connect with at least one other person.
  4. The ability to confront disappointments, pinches in expectations, untruths and fears provide the structure to help people think, feel and act more constructively in meeting their needs and changing their day-to-day lives.
  5. Encourage CLEAR AND AGREED TO EXPECTATIONS, accountability, participation and ownership for behavior and results.
  6. Encourage congruence in values, thinking and authentic action that leads to positive behavioral changes and concrete action.
  7.  Establish habit of Continuous improvement

Daily Quote and Reflection: Fulfillment vs Success?

Daily Quote:  “ Success is developed and measured by an external focus and fulfillment comes from the inside and is displayed on the outside.” Victor Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning

Reflection: 

This is my favorite book for examining many of my existential questions about life and provides many insights in to how create a purposeful legacy and meaning for living the life that I want to live. This book has made a difference in millions of people’s life and is rated as one of the top ten most influential books by readers in America. The reality and first hand experiences of  Viktor Frankl, a renown psychiatrist, has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for living a more meaningful and life. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he examines why some people collapse under these horrific circumstances and how others learn to cope and actual thrive in times of personal suffering or just day to day living?

In his coming to grips with the fact that we cannot avoid suffering in life but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose provides a basis for his  approach to therapy called logotherapy, from the Greek word logos (“meaning”) holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud proclaimed, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.

Self-Coaching Challenge: Many times students and seminar participants have asked me to answer this question –What is the best way to guarantee success in their future life? Of course if you are a follower of this blog, you know that I don’t think it is helpful to give advice or reassurance to others on the way to live their life.  I am true believer when it comes to self- discovery and creating a personal vision or solutions to human problems. So in answering this type of question I usually reflect and direct them to an important process of answering a few questions for themselves.

So  the challenge I present to you, as your own coach, is to stop and take some reflective time over the next answer these questions:

1. How can you be sure that you will  be happy in your chosen career? 2. How can you be sure that your relationships with your spouse or partner or your  family become an enduring source of support and happiness? 3. What do you want your legacy to be?  Though the last question sounds a little dark because it projects you to the the end of your life, it’s not.  None of us are going to get out of this thing called life without dying and leaving some kind of footprints in the sand.

Want to Overcome the 10,000 hour rule to be a Great Runner, Writer… ? Be Inspired By this Story

Daily Quote: ” The thing that distinguishes one performer from another is how hard he or she works. That’s it. And what’s more, the people at the very top don’t work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.”  Malcolm Gladwell 

We all know about the 10,000 hour theory to mastery that Malcolm Gladwell made recently popular his book Outliers: The Story of Success. In brief the 10,000 hour rule states: that to become an expert or high performer in any field of endeavor, it merely takes 10.000 hours of deliberative practice and focus on the topic you are interested in mastering. Roughly calculated this means about 20 hours a week for 10 years. For most of us this news is not motivating, so I went looking for other secrets or examples Gladwell may have missed.  Of course to master something takes time, energy and experience. But what if we challenged all the assumptions that went into training regiments by figuring out better ways to learn and train. For example what can we learn from the Tarahumara Indians to help us run more efficiently and longer periods of time?

Don’t miss this youtube documentary on this amazing culture of runners in Mexico.

The Tarahumara – A Hidden Tribe of Superathletes Born to Run