Mapping a Solution for Trump and Sessions Conflict

Even though Trump likes to dump out unexpected comments and tweets the chances of solving communication and interpersonal problems with a one-way approach of “my way or the highway” are very small.

I would recommend a meeting to align expectations and push through barriers of frustration.

Pinch Model: Mapping the Solution of Aligning Expectations and Assumptions

Research fact–Planned Renegotiation and the Pinch Model developed by John J. Sherwood and John C. Glidewell (1973, 1975)  is based on the premise that relationships in a social system—a pair, a group, an organization, or a community—seldom proceed smoothly or as planned or expected. The model describes how social systems are established, become stabilized and aligned so that work can get done and how change can enter the system. When these expectations are disrupted it is called a “pinch” and if not resolved to the satisfaction of both parties can lead to uncomfortable and unproductive relationships and even interpersonal “crunches”, like termination of the relationship.

Pinch and Crunch Model Steps:

Daily Quote–Anne Frank

“Everyone has inside of them a piece of good news.

Good news is that you don’t know how great you can be.

How much you can love!

What you can accomplish!

What your potential is! ”

Anne Frank

Reflection: Identify your good news or strengths to overcome fears. Do it now don’t wait. Coach Mark

What would Aristotle say about the “Marshmallow Effect and Happiness?

What would Aristotle say about marshmallow effect and happiness?

The essence of instant gratification or “marshmallow” effect is summarized here: Delaying Gratification More than 40 years ago, Walter Mischel, PhD, a psychologist now at Columbia University, explored self-control in children with a simple but effective test. His experiments using the “marshmallow test,” as it came to be known, laid the groundwork for the modern study of self-control. Mischel and his colleagues presented a preschooler with a plate of treats such as marshmallows. The child was then told that the researcher had to leave the room for a few minutes, but not before giving the child a simple choice: If the child waited until the researcher returned, she could have two marshmallows. If the child simply couldn’t wait, she could ring a bell and the researcher would come back immediately, but she would only be allowed one marshmallow. In children, as well as adults, willpower can be thought of as a basic ability to delay gratification.

Aristotle would be strongly critical of the culture of “instant gratification” or eating the marshmallow in the moment. Yet in our world of instant gratification, most people want to be rewarded now not later. For example, instant gratification is so predominate in our society today because of or selfishness and technology. Yet in Aristotle’s non-tech world his view was in order to achieve a life of balance and complete virtue, people needed to make the right choices, and that involved keeping an eye on the future, on the ultimate result want for lives as a whole. Aristotle believe that people  achieve happiness not by enjoying the pleasures of the moment. Unfortunately, this is something most people are not able to overcome in themselves because of lack of will power.

As Aristotle laments, “the mass of mankind are evidently quite slavish in their tastes, preferring a life suitable to beasts… and instant pleasures (Nicomachean Ethics, 1095b 20). Later in the Ethics Aristotle draws attention to the weakness of the willpower. In many cases the overwhelming prospect of some great pleasure obscures one’s perception of what is truly good. Fortunately, this natural disposition is curable through self-awareness and training, which for Aristotle meant education and the constant aim to perfect character or what he called perfect virtue. As he puts it, “a clumsy archer may indeed get better with practice, so long as he keeps aiming for the target.”

Note also that it is not enough to think about doing the right thing, or even intend to do the right thing: we have to actually do it. Thus, it is one thing to think of giving up alcohol or smoking, or create a beautiful piece of art or heart felt poem and another thing to put together a plan to create the sustained energy, effort and time to do it. When we impose a form and structure upon the idea of happiness and actually produce a compelling change in our daily life, we are challenging our rational and intellectual abilities and emotions that if accomplished bring a sense of delayed happiness, pride and fulfillment.

Self-Coaching Challenge: Examine your life over the next 24 hours and identify one instant gratification” habit  you would like to change. Then create a SMART STEP Action Plan for change it in the next 30 days.

Daily Inspiration and Reflection: On Hope

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”
― Barack Obama

Self-Coaching. Quality of Life Intervention: Want to Increase Your time and energy for important things in life?

Daily Quote: “Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

The format for this quality of life exercise is to take a blank page in your journal and list all of the things in your life that you have left incomplete ( no matter how trivial they may seem). When you have exhausted them all, push to add at at least five more items. When done listing you will probably have 10-15 items. Assign the letter A to those items that are most important for you to accomplish. Assign a B to those items items that are somewhat important but less critical than the A ones. Then assign the letter C to those items that are least important.

Then within 24 hours complete one of these in-completions. It doesn’t matter if they are from the A,B, or C items, just get one completed. After completing the item reflect in your journal what the item was, how did it make you feel in completing it and why you think you have been putting off doing this thing. Then go back to your list and select an A item one that you can complete within the next 48 hours. After that keep your list handy and work through them one at a time over the next three weeks seeing how many A’s and B’s you can complete. Most of the C’s may have disappeared by then, if they were were assigned the right letter if not go ahead and complete them. Always after completing an item take time to reflect on your feelings and insights. This exercise hopefully will result in you seeing how in-completions can drain your energy resources. Doing this exercise over a month will provide you time to build a new habit of more effectively managing and prioritizing your time. Have fun with this exercise and feel free to change the approach if you discover a better way to get the in-completions completed in your life.

How to Grow the Brain and Learn to Love Learning–10 Life Principles

“Hold on to your own convictions, despite what society and other people want you to believe.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

  1. Be more open and curious by embracing the goal of life-long “learning”. Learn something new everyday.
  2. Find Courage and Mental Toughness by embracing Vulnerability and Failure. Learn the lesson form screwing-up  and then show resilience by snapping back into action.
  3. Accept imperfection by building more competence and confidence through increased Self-Efficacy
  4. Feel Compassion: For Yourself and Others
  5. Except Uncertainty and change with more ease
  6. Express and show more gratitude and kindness toward others
  7. Physically Present yourself in a more assertive and positive manner
  8. Be more mindful and present in the “here and now”
  9. Play and Learn More: Take on learning challenges, try new things, be “gritty” and have fun!
  10. Give Trust away…

 

 

 

 

 

Growth Challenge for this Week

Have you learned this lesson for living a more constructive life?

Reflection: If any thing is sacred in life, it is the human mind, words, body and behavior being congruent. Other wise you are perceived as inauthentic and a hypocrite. So be curious and authentic when interacting with others and not judgmental or just playing nice.

Challenge: How are going to be more positive and congruent when interacting with others?

Weekly Quote and Growth Mindset Challenge

Weekly Quote for Growth Mindset: “Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for…We can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating good work or doing a deed for others; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone in a positive way; and (3) by the attitude we take toward life experiences and unavoidable suffering (learning).” Viktor Frankl

Coaching Challenge: Make your meaning by learning something new everyday and making the effort to do the best you can every moment by challenging yourself to overcome difficulties and learn the lessons provide you in every situation and every difficult interaction in life.

Daily Self-Coaching Challenge # 1 : Over coming Self-Doubt

Daily Quote: What you are thinking, what shapes your mind is in the end, what makes the biggest difference of all.   Willie Mays
Reflection:  Your toughness is made up of equal parts belief about your ability and willingness to change, persistence and deliberative practice of new strategies and full reflection on your experience. The toughest opponent of all is the negativity and skeptic or sarcastic alien inside your head.  
Here are 4 tips for overcoming negativity in your life.
1. Believe it or not, passions grow out of your values. Make early, wise choices to value what (and who) is good, trustworthy, and praiseworthy.
2.Think straight, talk straight and do the straight or right thing to grow your character and live by your values and principles
3. Find a passion. Pick a hobby, own it: running, photography, juggling, tennis, writing, poetry, art or whatever interests you. Get your 10,000 hours of perfect practice in early and change your life.
4.Don’t bother comparing yourself to others—this only leads to frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Self-Coaching Challenge: What’s the one thing you would do right now if you had more confidence? What are you going to do to gain more self-confidence and mental toughness or grit in trying to achieve your goals and dreams for living a more fulfilling and constructive life?

Seven Small Dose Learning Steps to support Personal Choices

Here is the neuroscience behind why most people fail to succeed in making personal changes.

Here are 7 proven ways to support effective Personal Growth and Change goals:

  1. Strong willpower  and grit are learned skills. You have to work on being mentally tough. Develop more “grit”. For example, working out, the smallest amount of weight is hard at first, but as you work on it and improve over time, that small weight that seemed hard will become a lot easier.
  2. Execute without making excuses for not doing the change activities.
  3. Focus on positive rewards and feedback instead of negatives
  4. Hold yourself accountable. Write it down. Track changes on daily basis.
  5. Take on a small dose change rather than a bold audacious or life changing goal. Use the Plus-One Method for change.
  6. Pick a doable and manageable smart goal
  7. It’s okay to stumble and screw up. Just get back-up and keep at it. Never give-up it builds your resilience.

Vision of New 21st Century Leadership

Leadership and Growth Mindset

With increased self-awareness through dialogue and feedback from others comes more confidence in your ability to tackle challenges and be a collaborative leader. These practices are hallmarks of the work I do with clients, not only in our more formally organized leadership development programs, but also in my modules on self-coaching and growth mindset characteristics both of which provide people with extensive feedback on self-awareness and how others see them.

Out these insights I have developed a vision for what 21st century leadership looks like. In the 21st Century a leader’s ability to inspire others to “follow you over the hill” in the command and control style of leadership is of less importance than your ability “to align people around a sense of purpose and values…and then model and empower other people to step up and lead no matter what organizational position or level they are in. This sense of autonomy and self-direction are critical elements in this new style of leadership.

If you’re inspiring followers, self-awareness is less important than power and the natural charisma we’ve traditionally associated with strong leadership. Yet  if you’re aligning and empowering other leaders, your success will depend on your ability to connect with people not as “followers” but as independent decision-makers and to motivate and influence them by speaking to their needs and interests.  This requires a keen degree of self-awareness and the ability to see clearly through the eyes of others.

Your Children Can Learn Anything: Growth Mindset Basics

Growth Mindset for Parents                                 

Parents need to learn what a growth mindset is, why it’s important, and best practices to support their children in a quest to become the “best they can be”. Learning for all of us just doesn’t happen because we are born smart or not. Learning is a life-long process that can be shaped by growing our brains over time just like we develop and grow other muscles through deliberate exercise and nurturing.

New research shows that parents beliefs and the way they talk about abilities and learning can have powerful effects on their kids’ beliefs. Certain types of seemingly positive praise like “You’re smart at this!” can backfire and make children more likely to avoid challenges or give up in the future when something is difficult.

Fortunately, the same research also shows that there are many things that we can do to help children develop into resilient learners.

Stanford University’s professor Carol Dweck has spent decades studying how people think about intelligence. Dweck and her colleagues have found that people tend to hold one of two very different perspectives about intelligence. One perspective is called a “fixed mindset”. That’s the belief that intelligence is fixed at birth and doesn’t change or changes very little with practice. It’s the belief that intelligence is like eye color. You’re stuck with whatever you’re born with.

The other perspective is called a “growth mindset”. A growth mindset is the belief that intelligence improves through study, deliberative practice and effort. In other words, people with a growth mindset think intelligence is like a muscle that grows stronger with training.

For children with a “fixed mindset”, the classroom can be a difficult and unwelcoming place. They see school as the place where their abilities are evaluated and worth is judge, not as a place where their abilities are developed and failures are seen as challenges to overcome. Their goal in school tends to be to show that they are smart or at least to avoid looking dumb. For them, mistakes are a sign that they lack talent and god given ability.

For children with a “growth mindset”, the classroom is a more exciting, fun and less judgmental place. They believe they can develop their ability, and they understand that the classroom is just the place to do that. Children with a growth mindset tend to see challenges as opportunities to grow because they understand that they can improve their abilities by challenging and pushing themselves. If something is hard, they have to put in more effort and find new ways to learn and push themselves to get better.

Children who understand that the brain can get smarter—who have a growth mindset—do better in school because they have an empowering perspective on learning. They focus on improvement and see effort as a way to build their abilities. They see failure as a natural part of the learning process. In contrast, students who have a fixed mindset—those who believe that intelligence is fixed—tend to focus on judgment. They’re more concerned with proving that they are smart or hiding that they’re not. And that means they tend to avoid situations in which they might fail or might have to work hard.

Many studies show that children who have a growth mindset respond differently in challenging situations and do better in school over time.

Want to learn more on Growth Mindset visit this wonderful site that summarizes studies from praise to achievement scores for children with fixed or growth mindsets. https://www.mindsetkit.org/growth-mindset-parents

Or http://mindsetscholarsnetwork.org/about-the-network/

 

 

STOP Sleep Walking through Life

Daily Quote and Reflection: Learn to Win from the Inside out.

Daily Quote: “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  Carl Jung

Reflection: How much time do you spend reflecting on your experiences? If you are like most people , you may resist and be reluctant to plan or reflect on your life. Many think this type of approach to living lacks the spontaneity and natural feeling of just letting life happen. Planning or reflecting seem to be too structured, controlled or artificial. Yet, I believe that assessing what worked or didn’t and what you would do differently in the future provides invaluable learning you can use to handle future events and situations. Reflecting on past experiences can help identify areas for improvement, overcome fears of change,  deal with bad habits and inadequacies.

Self- Coaching Challenge: Few people receive the  education in the conscious applications of clear thinking for solving problems and creating a more positive outlook in life. Most of our learning in this type of reflective thought is by “trial and error”.  My challenge to you is to discover and realize the power of  your own thinking in determining  your behavior. So over the next few days I want you to choose enthusiasm for living rather than just “sleep walking” through life. I want you to try this experiment, so as to increase your understanding and establishing more effective ways to identify your own ability to use optimism and positive thinking that may lay dormant within you.

Growth Mindset Toolkit for Parents

Growth Mindset for Parents

” No one thinks babies are stupid because they can’t talk. They just haven’t learned how to yet. But some people will call a person dumb if they can’t solve math problems, or spell a word right, or read fast — even though all these things are learned with practice”. David Yeager and Carol Dweck 

Parents who are will to learn about the positive effects of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset can set their children on a path toward loving learning. New research shows that the way parents talk about abilities and learning can have powerful effects on their kids’ beliefs and mindset about learning. Certain types of seemingly positive praise like “You’re smart at this!” or you are so “smart” can backfire and make children more likely to avoid learning challenges or give up in the future when something is difficult.

Fortunately, the same research also shows that there are many things that we can do to help children develop into resilient learners.

Stanford University’s professor Carol Dweck has spent decades studying how people think about intelligence. Dweck and her colleagues have found that people tend to hold one of two very different perspectives about intelligence. One perspective is called a “fixed mindset”. That’s the belief that intelligence is fixed at birth and doesn’t change or changes very little with practice. It’s the belief that intelligence is like eye color. You’re stuck with whatever you’re born with.

The other perspective is called a “growth mindset”. A growth mindset is the belief that intelligence improves through study, deliberative practice and effort. In other words, people with a growth mindset think intelligence is like a muscle that grows stronger with training.

For children with a “fixed mindset”, the classroom can be a difficult and unwelcoming place. They see school as the place where their abilities are evaluated and worth is judge, not as a place where their abilities are developed and failures are seen as challenges to overcome. Their goal in school tends to be to show that they are smart or at least to avoid looking dumb. For them, mistakes are a sign that they lack talent and god given ability.

For children with a “growth mindset”, the classroom is a more exciting, fun and less judgmental place. They believe they can develop their ability, and they understand that the classroom is just the place to do that. Children with a growth mindset tend to see challenges as opportunities to grow because they understand that they can improve their abilities by challenging and pushing themselves. If something is hard, they have to put in more effort and find new ways to learn and push themselves to get better.

Children who understand that the brain can get smarter—who have a growth mindset—do better in school because they have an empowering perspective on learning. They focus on improvement and see effort as a way to build their abilities. They see failure as a natural part of the learning process. In contrast, students who have a fixed mindset—those who believe that intelligence is fixed—tend to focus on judgment. They’re more concerned with proving that they are smart or hiding that they’re not. And that means they tend to avoid situations in which they might fail or might have to work hard.

Many studies show that children who have a growth mindset respond differently in challenging situations and do better in school over time.

Want to learn more on Growth Mindset visit this wonderful site that summarizes studies from praise to achievement scores for children with fixed or growth mindsets. https://www.mindsetkit.org/growth-mindset-parents

Or http://mindsetscholarsnetwork.org/about-the-network/

 

 

Teaching the World Peace Game to 5th Graders through Discovery Learning

Don’t miss this TED talk. John Hunter and his students are making a difference in the world. A very unique approach to discovery learning and critical thinking. His kids solved global warning in an hour. They are raising their visibility by being invited to the Pentagon to discuss approaches to war and how to build peace in the world by using “empty spaces. Maybe there is still hope to end war in our life. Go kids.

Daily Quote and Self-Reflection: Embracing Change and Openness

Daily Quote: “Things do not Change: We change.”  Henry Thoreau

Self Reflection: When “IT” comes to change and upsetting the “status quo” I am a searcher. Searchers look for problems that can become opportunities. They are open-minded about how to solve problems and do not think they have all the answers. The main tools searchers use are a “growth mindset” seeing problems as challenges, experimentation and piloting potential solutions.  Their change mantra is:: “Whoever Tries The Most Stuff Wins.” Always be open to try new ways to find the right answers. I believe one must never lose time in vainly regretting failures nor in complaining about the changes which cause us discomfort, or making excuses because the essence of change is shaking things-up.

Self-Coaching: What are you facing in your daily life that needs changing and you have been procrastinating from doing it. Listen to Graham Hill, feature speaker at TED, talk about how to create more happiness in your life. Then reflect on the TED talk and pick one thing in your daily life that will make your happiness soar. Good Luck and have fun.