Want to Keep Assholes at a Distance? Try the Caring Resilience Model

Defending Yourself from Asshole Behavior


When you impulsively call someone an “asshole” what is really going on with you and between you and the other person?

 Maybe you feel insulted, ignored, angry at inappropriate behavior or just feed-up at the lack concern and respect shown toward you.

So what can we do be more constructive with this other person? We can’t keep shutting it out or ignoring it by but if this asshole behavior is such a powerful trigger, what are we supposed to do about it? One answer is to develop “thicker skin” which is okay in the short-term and yet does nothing to change the behavior or mollify your feelings. Over the long haul your frustration and anger just build up to a boiling point so that these pinches turn into a “crunch” or blow-up with this person and cause worse consequences. Another method is to develop “asshole resilience “, and it is based on cognitive and emotional assertiveness and a simple communication tool I call “caring resilience”. What does this resilience look like in action? It means developing the ability to share in a “matter of fact” way your feelings and make a request to the Asshole. It focuses on how this person impacts you and why it is important to stop this type of behavior and stay away from you. ‘If we can share our feelings and make a non-emotional request with a person like this we can survive.’

Here is the Caring Resilience Tool–Use this Smart-Step approach to level with Assholes:

When you…

I feel…


And my request is…


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