Follow-up on Questions about Personal Change,Vulnerability and Getting Unstuck

Yesterday, I gave you a mental toughness and personal change  assignment: to answer some difficult questions about change and vulnerability. How many of you challenged yourself to reflect on what Dr. Brown and I were trying share with you?

If you didn’t challenge yourself why not?  Now you can ask yourself why you ignore or discounted the tough questions that could help you live a better or more meaningful life. I also asked you to notice when you’re not being authentic about your emotional life. A lot of you were quite shocked to realize just how fake you can be with key people in your life This awareness is the first step towards the self-discovery of self-acceptance. The second step is to start telling yourself the truth about your life by being honest. That means admitting what you really think or feel – both to yourself and others.When you do this, your whole emotional life changes. Learning how to accept yourself is one of the cornerstones of mental toughness, emotional well-being and living a better “quality of life”.

When you challenge yourself to reflect on your behavior and then act to change them one-step at a time, many of your old ways of doing things smooth out without you even trying to change. Being a motivated, secure, happy person does not come without some hard work and deliberative practice to change. This type of personal change does not come easy. Ask anyone who has battle an addiction. There are no magic “wands “ to wave and then everything is okay. To change you must acknowledge and then commit to creating more self-awareness and self-acceptance because they are the key elements you to internalize and motivate you to act on changing things in your life and getting UNSTUCK. Here are some tips to help you overcome the obstacles for not getting started on your personal change project.

Whether you call it plus 1 mastery, discovery learning, sequential or Smart-Step learning, or something else, the truth is the same; personal change and development requires commitment, ownership, time, patience and flexible plan.  But above all personal change requires reflection then action. Expertise comes in steps and stages, as you build self-awareness and experience to support your goals.

So what can you do if you don’t have the will power or strategy for challenging personal change? Well I wish I could tell you there was a single perfect way to solve this challenge but there’s not.

Here are five steps to get you going in the right direction:

  1. Commit to keeping a a daily journal  (online or off) so as to identify progress and barriers you need to overcome. Do not become discouraged by setbacks or failures. Just learn the lessons from these experiences and apply your learning to adjust your goals and behavior.
  2. Never…never give-up trying to change or discovering a better way to live your life. Remember life is not a dress rehearsal and seldom get a second chance.
  3. Create a SMART plan that helps you know where you’re at and where you’re going. And don’t stress about how long it may take you.  Keep “working the plan” and keep updating the plan when things are not working or situational factors or feedback say you need to change direction to make progress. One day you’ll look back and be surprised at how far you have been able to move from where you are now to where you want to go.
  4. Remember that becoming a master in any field takes 10,000 hours of deliberative practice. So be patient and gentle with your criticism and employ positive self-talk to get through tough times.
  5. Find and hire a coach who can set you on a course of deliberative practice. Because consistent and perfect practice makes us a master of performance. .Find someone who understands where you are today and where you want to go. Then proceed in real time in different situations to make the changes in you want in your behavior.

Want to receive an Introduction to Self-Coaching module for free and more info on our online coaching services send your e-mail address

Thanks, Coach Dr. Mark


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