Alone… with Secrets, Demons and Dreams —by MW Hardwick
Things get hectic and complicate as soon as humans enter the equation
Are they laughing at me or wanting do me harm
Am I just “making shit-up” or is this real?
Yelling at myself stop…stop… stop…leave me alone
And yet thoughts seem to overwhelm and overlap in my brain like crashing waves
No space for rational ideas…or calm
I rush deeper down and further inside.
My fears mount and I battle the panic–
But comfort and peace do not COME
Sweat pours down my face and tears well-up
It reminds me of other times when confusion struck
And I barely hung on…
Please- no more talking, hospitals or self-imposed jails…
Is there a conspiracy to harm me or what?
What in the world have I done OMG…OMG
Maybe I need to ask for forgiveness–but what for?
But inside I am melting down…
Do you hear my cries for help?
Take a breath–breathe deeply exhale slowly… smile…
And slowly count One, two,three, 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19
Twenty–they told me this always works to center yourself but where is the calmness?
Then the phone rings…rings and rings and I stop
So I now need to talk but I am uneasy, guarded and careful
Will I just fill the airwaves with Blah, Blah, Blah
I am not clear on how idle chit-chat leads
Could this be someone calling about what I am thinking…
Nonsense just pick it up and listen to who it is and what they want…
Thank goodness it’s you
We talk about my fears, reality and crossed wires
I take three more deep breaths and realize it’s time for darkness and my dreams…
And friends…alone …alone
Oh, the battle to stay grounded and to see and think clearly
Maybe rest will give me respite
From these fears…oh so many fears…
I glance at the mirror and my face sternly looks back and says
YOU TELL ME YOUR FEARS AND SECRETS and I WILL TELL YOU MINE…
I guess it’s time to dream about eating lemon squares…and cinnamon rolls…
And making this sad world a paradise…a paradise…so we all can be happy again
Say goodnight to Secrets, Demons and Dreams…Alone at last…
ALONE AT LAST…alone at last…