We must ask questions,over and over again, to help us think more rationally: What is reality here? Who do I trust in this situation? What are the obstacles blocking this merger? Can I speak the truth to her? …learning to ask questions in important situations can make a difference in how we impact others and how we respond to problems and opportunities.” Albert Ellis
Have you ever been in a situation where your dominant thought takes over and produces what you are most afraid of ? The idea of “dominant thought” is defined as action follows “top of the mind” thought. For example, in dealing with your boss you are afraid to express your point of view because you might be fired. At a critical point in a tennis match are you prone to step up to the service line and say, “don’t double fault this point.” Then proceed to hit two serves into the net. Or better yet, in golf you walk up to a hole and see water, pull out a water ball and say, “don’t hit this ball into the water” and proceed to swing and hear the big splash. We become what we think about.” What is going on here is the psychological power of the Law of Dominant Thought–we become what we think. The four critical elements of this process are:
1. negative self-talk
2. lack of confidence in your ability
3. interference of past experiences
4. fear of failure
Prescription for Change: To get the changes you truly desire you must take full control of your thinking. To do this you can try this smart-step prescription: STOP- TAKE DEEP BREATH- THINK POSITIVE THOUGHT – THEN ACT. For example, the fear of failure is usually based on the need to be successful. To change your fear of failure thinking which explains why so many people “play it safe” in life and don’t take risks because they might fail or be labeled a loser. The key point is to do the “best you can” by giving 100%. Through failing you can learn many life lessons —
1. We don’t always need to win to learn how to grow and develop.
2. Failing is not the end of the world. It may be inconvenient but not catastrophic. Failure is just another for learning.
3. Competition that stretches us is good, and extreme competition can destroy relationships and be very dysfunctional.
4. Perfection leads to many negative messages, stops from trying and undermines our self-efficacy.
5. You can take ownership for decisions and choices you make in life.