Practice Makes Perfect–Myth or Reality of 10,000 hours of practice

Practice Makes Perfect —Really

Does 10,000 hours make you expert or master of a subject or performance activity, like tennis or public speaking? From my review it seems that the key is 10,000hours done in deliberative practice structure. So what exactly is deliberative practice? Most research defines it as an activity with a very well-defined end-goal, which should be difficult. The activity needs to be highly repeatable. There needs to be feedback on the quality of each repetition; so it is helpful to have a coach or friend review your performance.

Many cognitive scientist that the key to mastery comes about when a skill is moved from the short term memory of the beginner to the working long term memory of the expert. Once embedded in the working long term memory, the brain can short-cut the slow process of deliberation associated with juggling new rules stored in the short term memory. Indeed, the operation of working long term memory is like snap judgments or “gut decisions” you make on a daily basis because we have been there before and done that thing we wanted to do.

I believe that the neurological rewiring that occurs during focused attention is the driving mechanism behind the deliberative practice process for learning.  Only focused attention can trigger the brain into the process of rewiring the brain. Self-reflection over the feedback seems to be the important element needed to move a skill from short term memory to the working long-term memory. Often, after I’ve practiced a new technique in tennis, a burst of energy and satisfaction of having let my natural  Self 2 do what it does best without interferences of past experience, doubt or negativity. This is probably a consequence of some kind of rewiring. The repetition of this self-awareness in deliberative practice results in the most effective rewiring, leading ultimately to a state of mastery where the activity can be done quickly, and without effort.

http://boscoh.com/books/towards-mastery-deliberative-practice-flow-and-personality-traits

Quote and Reflection: “Don’t believe everything you think.”

Quote:   ”Don’t believe everything you think…  The more you can surround your negative thinking with compassion, the easier it will be to dissolve it and move on.” Meg Selig

Reflection:  Recently, I was doing research on the positive and negative effects of self-talk.  Of course, I reviewed Albert Ellis’s theory of ABC and Tim Gallwey’s  Inner Game concepts and framework.  Again I found the review stimulating but still remained confused on how to apply these techniques to everyday situations. To be spontaneous and authentic you can’t go around in life and stop to ponder how to react so as not to offend someone.  Then while reviewing Psychology Today blog I discovered Meg Selig.

(See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/changepower/201202/manage-emotional-pains-rains)

In essence,  she provides a framework called R.A.I.N.–Basically,  the RAIN technique states that when you are in a situation where negative thinking habits are making you suffer and overwhelm your ability to think clearly consider this tool way to soften and re-channel  harmful thoughts and negative patterns.  Buddhist teachers and therapists such as Tara Brach often teach the RAIN technique to bring mindful awareness to emotional distress and provide a relaxing approach for controlling emotional pain. Supposedly, The RAIN technique can help you be your own best friend instead of your own worst critic. Here are the basic steps you can take to RAIN on your parade of negative thoughts, soothe yourself, and move on.

Activity Challenge : This week develop a routine for relaxing and keeping your negative thoughts from making it a good week.  

Poem–Noise of Self-Deception

Poem: Noise of Self-Deception by MW Hardwick

Darkness surrounds me on the run home

And I can feel the chill and icy rain

As my feet slip on the fallen leaves.

My breath is visible in the street light.

Then I stop to catch it…

And wonder what is the fear welling up in me…

Can I out run this?  or do I need to just face what I am fearing?

Anxiety is not a friend or foe but where does it come from–

Is this reality or just something made-up in my mind?

I start to sing to over ride this stuff and my comfort is growing stronger.

My feet and legs move quicker and my heart beat finds a rhythm so I know longer

Am out running my breath–I come upon the candy store dart in for a respite

Because I am half way home…

The owner looks at my rain-soaked jacket

And asks if I want to sit by the fire  crackling behind him?

Is this the fear I anticipated? Am I in jeopardy or am I just reading the situation wrong?

I trust my judgment and say no

Pick up a “cheery hump bar” and say good-bye and plunge back into the darkness…

I now realize that only my mind can produce fear…

So I continue my journey home…counting the blocks to my house…

Opening the door and smelling the wonderful flavors of the evening meal..

I am safely home and well beyond the darkness and shadows of fear…

And self-deception…the noise of fear gone…

I sit straight in my bed and wonder what a dream…what a dream

A dream I rather forget…forget… forget…

The Inner Critic and the Outer Game of Life–Tips on How to “Play to Win”

“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” –Richard Bach

In this blog I will provide some proven tips for overcoming the negative “inner critic” and help you begin to practice how to access your positive and natural strengths ( Self 2  a concept articulated by Tim Gallwey), to conquer performance fears and the power of the negative critic (Self1)  in your mind.

I think that many issues and problem we experience can be traced back to the internal conversations and stories we tell ourselves about our self, other people and situations. If we are unaware of these internal dialogues or let them override our common sense we can make big errors in judgment. This “inner critic” can interfere with our ability to make decisions, take risk and perform below our potential. Some of the external behavior may lead to bad first impressions, lack of confidence, unhappiness, fears, such as heights, flying or public speaking and other unfortunate outcomes.

Instead of focusing on the behavior you want to change, focus on the irrational messages the “inner critic” is telling and selling to you. Poor thinking leads to negative messages and become an obstacle to a strong sense of self and impact performing in a natural, authentic and confident manner. To STOP the negative alien or critic from talking and under-minding behavior you must find ways to change irrational thoughts into positive thoughts.

Let me suggest five techniques to take control of the destructive and upsetting inner conversations with your self critic:

1. Practice mindful awareness. It doesn’t matter where the inner critic’s material is coming from because it could be achored in comments and experiences from teachers, parents, a coach or an abusive spouse or  other traumatic experience; the reasons and sources of criticism don’t matter you just increasing your awareness that these conversations are happening provides power over the critical thoughts.
2. Evaluate whether the message has any validity or truth’ Is it enabling you to accomplish the outcomes you want or is it preventing you from doing so. Be honest. (Sometimes, people are addicted to their problems and the stories that create them.)
3. Keep a self-journal. Write down word for word the internal dialogue with the critic. It might be something like the following:

• “You’re no good at X, Y or Z,,.”
• “You’re too uncoordinated to play sports..”
• “You’re stupid and not very smart when it comes to math.”
• “You’re to an over-educated bleeding heart liberal.”
• “You take things to seriously.”
• “You have no sense of humor
• “ You are not a good writer

4. Brainstorm solutions and new messages for changing the dialogue.

• Create powerful affirmations and clear messages to block the “inner critic”.
• Write solutions down on a 3 x 5 card that provide evidence for overcoming irrational messages or stories presented by the inner critic. I’m not talking about a bunch of positive puff statements I am suggesting telling the truth to yourself and the critic. Often, this is simply a matter of shifting your perspective and providing evidence that is opposite to the negative critic’s story or message..

5 Start telling yourself new messages, believing in focused attention and turning down or off the inner critic. Every time your inner critic begins to tell you that you are loser, stop him. Say, “No! That’s BS. Here’s the truth.” Then repeat your new message or affirmation. For example, At a critical moment in a tennis match the inner critic says you always miss the important points or you are a choker when the match hinges on your ability to serve out a match to win. You say STOP. Take a deep breath and remember times when you have overcome steep hills to win. You visualize winning the point and turn it over to your fluid and natural Self 2. You play every point going down to the wire with focus on the “here and now” moment and remind yourself of comebacks in the past. You say to the inner critic I am not a loser and I don’t quit. I just need to focus on the next shot and do the best I can.!

Overcoming Presenter Performance Anxiety: Learning Smart-Step Change Process

Overcoming Leader-Presenter Performance Anxiety: Smart-Step Process 

At first look, perfectionism must be measured against reality and reasonable expectations given experience and skill levels. It can be a motivator for improvement but also can be an inhibitor for performance and self-concept development. Sometimes it appears when a person uses severe and negative self-talk! Usually, a presenter who lacks confidence in their ability or mastery of material can be root causes.

Many presenters, despite their intelligence, suffer from performance anxiety. One of the roots for anxiety is perfectionism. This has its advantages and disadvantages. Perfectionists tend to be highly motivated, want to succeed, and strive to be the best. However, perfectionism has many downsides. Perfectionists often don’t develop full confidence in their ability because they or others have such high expectations for them. Their fear of failure overrides their need to take risks and learn from their experiences. Because perfectionists are highly motivated and really want to succeed, they practice a lot and are hard on themselves and ignore their need to manage their emotions. These disadvantages can destroy their confidence, authenticity and spontaneity.

A hallmark sign of perfectionists: They spend a lot of time training and practicing, then under-perform when on stage. Lack of confidence due to high expectations is the culprit. Often, when presenting their focus is on themselves not on the audience needs. Unless they’re “perfect” they are failures. So expectations do not allow this type of leader-presenter to fully believe in their ability; they never stack up to expectations imposed from the inside out even if the audience is receptive to their message.

As a mental game coach for leaders and executives, I help my clients replace damaging expectations with mini-goals. I call this the Smart-Step process. It is all about establishing positive self-talk and developing realistic mini-goals.   Smart-Steps are more manageable in developing positive behavior changes. Smart-Steps allow presenters to focus on the process instead of judging their performance (based on expectations). Process goals help speakers focus on being in the moment and responding in a responsive ways to there audience needs. It helps them turn nervousness into positive energy and enthusiasm. These are essential components for connecting with others.

• Monitor and Edit yourself. Presenters who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the most effective..
• Sincerely listen and try to meet the audience needs, interest, opinions and concerns--do not try to give advice; try to listen and understand their needs and wants.  Show them that you have their best interest at heart.
• Soften your “start up.” Be friendly and welcoming to participants. Arguments first “start up” because a presenter escalates an innocent comment into a conflict from the get-go by making a critical or disrespectful remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up differences gently and without blame.

 

 

• Accept influence. A presentation succeeds to the extent that the presenter can accept influence from the audience members. If a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.
• Have high standards. Leader-presenters have high standards and don’t expect perfection. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
• Respect and Encourage candid dialogue Understand how to become a better listener, give positive feedback, inspire people to take risks, and built a bond of trust. I learned that I have to model the good habits I’d like others to practice.  Without the glue of trust in a relationship there is no coaching. your partner and his or her feelings along the way (“I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm
• Focus on the optimistic “POV”. Try to understand person’s view of the world. In a coaching relationship that works and is satisfying, while discussing problems and solutions, the participants make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. 
• Clarify and agree to expectations for your time together

Once you understand smart-step goals, they are really simple understand but the key to effectiveness is to practice them until they can be naturally executed. This approach is very powerful tool for helping presenters focus on keeping their message clear, concise and compelling. Process goals replace focusing on outcomes and help presenters focus on what is really important during performance – execution.

 

Daily Quote and Reflection–Never Give-Up

Quote:

There is no use trying,” said Alice, “one can’t believe impossible things.” “I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”  — Lewis Carroll  

Reflection:  This quote reminds me of the many times when I have felt down and just then I listen to a flash and new energy appears. With that new energy I am propelled forward to see connections I hadn’t seen before and realize that I may have a 100 new ideas a day I just need to know how to filter the good ones from the bad. What I do is to seek feedback from trust friends. The only caution I have is that when you are open to feedback don’t just be looking for confirmation. Don’t be discouraged because many of your friends may not have the risk level you have. Listen carefully to the feedback and let your intuition guide you to what is really possible or is just  magical thinking.

Action: When was the last time you had a “flash of brilliance” that  you act on? If it has been awhile take the time today to relax and listen to your intuition. You will be surprised how creative you can be. Good Luck and Never Give-up. 

Does anxiety hurt your performance? Learn about the “Suppression Factor”

You are ready to serve for the match and your playing partner says don’t double-fault or tries to encourage you by saying get  your first serve in. The result is a double-fault on match point because you tried so hard not to double fault. What is going on here? This incident is a perfect example of trying to hard to suppress your anxiety and not choking. When under pressure and specifically trying to avoid mentioning something or doing what you don’t want to do the negative thought, word or action can still find a way out of your  reptile brain because you become consciously incompetent because your emotions take over and try to hard  to suppress what you don’t want to do. There is a lot of research on this mental process that we call choking. Psychologist provide  two fancy words for this effect  the  “Suppression Factor”  

These thought processes are strongest when we try to hard or are stressed in some way. That’s why a lot of the time when wanting something so much you perform poorly. When you want to achieve a certain result strong emotions get attached to winning or controlling our behavior and we can cause the very behavior we want to control; think of the situation in wanting to fall asleep and we toss or turn all night or needing a three putt for par and take home the Golf Club Championship.

The main way to avoid all these problems is to find a way to relax, visualization, stick with your routine and this will distract the strong unconscious emotions. So instead of trying so hard at your next presentation, golf match or negative reactions to your boss. Stop, Take a deep breath, count to twenty and do what you want to do. If you are intrigued by this performance concept checkout the recent posting on the Psyblog or learn more about Relation at  thewick blog 

Be a Mountain–Exercise in Mindfulness and Reducing Stress

Be a Mountain Exercise

When feel tension or stress practice the following exercise by Dr. Jeffrey Brantley in his Book Five Good Minutes. 

This is a good practice for those times when you are feeling scattered, off balance, or unfocused. It allows you to reconnect with the elemental quality of earthiness and strength within. Doing this practice can ground you deeply in the present moment.

Stand or sit comfortably. Breathe mindfully for about a minute.

Set your intention. For example, “May this practice help me find inner strength.”

Imagine the most beautiful mountain you have ever seen, either in person or in a photograph.

As you visualize your mountain, let your body become the mountain. Feel the same qualities of steadiness,strength, unshakableness, and majesty.

For the next few minutes, rest in your “mountain body,” unmoved by any thoughts, fears, worries, or other experiences around you, just as the mountain

End by opening your eyes and moving gently.

To come up without straining your back, remember to roll up slowly, one vertebra at a time, your head coming up last. Stand upright, relaxed, with your hands at your side. This is a good exercise for releasing tension.

Daily Quote and Reflection: 5 minutes a Day can save your life. Learn the lessons of Mindfulness

 

 Daily Quote: “If you think five minutes isn’t enough time to make a difference in your life, think again”.Jeffrey Brantley, M.D.  

Reflection:  Recently, I blogged about the power of Mental Toghness and Stress in regards to how to face and overcome stressful situations. A friend recently reminded me Mental Toughness, Recover and  Mindfulness all must be the same thing. I assured him there were probably some differences but I wasn’t sure what the were.  So I went in search of finding out more about Mindfulness.  And I found Dr. Jeffrey Brantley who has some wonderful insights into the field of medicine and mindfulness and how to confront anxiety in positive ways. He defines mindfulness as a technique or tool in which a person is attentive in a non-judgmental way to his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment. This approach, practiced in Buddhism and other religions, has been shown recently to be effective in treating psychological problems including anxiety, fear, and panic. In essence it is all about being more self-aware about the moment you are living in. Oh by the way don’t miss Dr.Brantley’s  series on how to start an experiment in mindfulness  by reading his five little book series published by New Harbinger publications, Inc. Remember these books and activities could change your life by getting you back on purpose and meaning. Try one of the Five Good minutes exercise I guarantee they are painless and you will feel instant relaxation. 

Are you feeling negative about life–Learn 2 take control of your negativity and stress

“I’m feeling pretty negative about life and I’m feeling pretty stressed ABOUT…”

Has a friend ever said this to you?  What do you do? Try to reassure or rescue them by saying things will get better or let me help or do you dig for more understanding by asking them to tell you more…

When you have a big events coming… wedding…birth of twins…comforting a dying Father or Mother or Friend… or at work a  presentation or critical proposal due, the pressure you friend feels or you is usually self-imposed by your thinking and anxiety of the events. How do I know? Because stuff that felt high-pressure a few years ago is old hat to me now. Because it used to be hard for me to speak to a class of twenty people, or take the wild run with each up and down of my retirement stocks and now I just go for the ride. Because I now realize these challenges are just part of this wonderful journey so not only do I get used to life’s surprises and curve balls, I embrace and thrive on them rather than being negative. .

Unless you’re caught in a terrible storm or some other outside event most of what we experience and stress about is self-induced by negative self-talk and irrational thinking.

What you do with the stress in life is up to you. If it’s not helping you do great work, STOP AND CHANGE YOUR THINKING OR FIND WAYS TO DISTRACT, overcome or challenge the STRESS BY BEING MORE POSITIVe and Mentally Tough..

Poem: The Art of Sparking and Embracing Life

Art of Sparking and Embracing Life… by M.W. Hardwick 

Create mental maps that fit your reality.

Then be flexible enough to change your maps on the fly

Explore and be curious about the unknown and differences of others

Be courageous and bold to explore all unanswered questions

Recognize the positive intentions of others

Be slow to judge and careful to give unwanted advice

Enjoy nature and fresh smell of trees and the running stream

Learn to relax, be in the moment and relax

Listen to your inner thoughts and march to your own drummer

Be sensitive to others pain and fragility by being there even if not ask

Dream often and be open to the possibilities for the future

Say yes more often rather and operate less from defensiveness and contrary stance

Recognize your strengths and use them to raise your expectations and standards

Look for the positive side in difficult times

Embrace new ideas and be strong in the face of fears

Test and try new ways of relating and living

Choose your own direction after listening to others and assessing your experience

Step carefully into decisions by exploring consequences

Love your place in the world of man and accept yourself and mysteries of life

Persevere by renewing dreams when things go astray

Boldly give yourself as a possibility for others

Light the sparks of hope, love and dreaming for all as the igniting force for good…

For good…for good ..as the way forward.

 

Poem: Time Alone–Just Thinking…

Time Alone:– Just Thinking…MW Hardwick.

I love bourbon and coke…

And a drag on my Winston smoke at about 5:00 p.m. on my porch;

Politically incorrect and unhealthy

I know and feel anxious about such actions…

But I look out the screen to see the strong and pretty Black Eyed Susan’s standing tall and swaying

In the hot breeze of another 100 degree day

Wondering how the fragile lilies feel all brown and just laying in a heap on the ground…

Change is all around but few people are aware or even care to do anything about it

Seems like everything has changed, and nothing is different

All the politicians’ posture and fume on this hot mucky Saturday in DC

About a made up problem called debt ceiling…

STRUGGLING TO FIND A BIG HAIRY ASS DEAL

They don’t realize we all live in debt from our first credit card

To our 30 year mortgage;

Just pay what you owe; and don’t run out on the bill

Food was wonderful and I need to responsible…

Need to be responsible to do my best not to hurt others and still get my do…

I remember in this fog “Inside out change” is started in your thinking

And is more important for sustaining you…than stupid actions of a few you can’t control….

Be at peace and take another sip…control what you can

And move on.. Move On…MOVE ON …

‘TILL THERE IS NO MORE MOVING….

REMEMBER THIS TIME ALONE…IS IN YOUR CONTROL

Add Power to your Presentation–Try creating an Aha Moment

“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion and belief.”

You have prepared well, designed a powerful message, supported by examples and stories and of course your PPT slides.  Now it is the day of the performance. So you are looking for an extra boost so that the presentation is a success. Here is boost–If I had only one TIP  (to insure presentation success) to give, it would be to create an Aha Moment through story telling. To craft such a story takes time and needs to be relevant to the audience.  In the delivery style for communicating an Aha moment  you need to be passionate  and inspiring about your topic, let enthusiasm out and show your emotion for the subject being addressed.

Yes, you need a powerful AHA message supported by facts, stories, examples and maybe slides if they don’t become the focus of the speech. All this is called great content. And you do need a deep and authentic belief in your topic or all of this preparation is for naught. The biggest item that separates mediocre presenters from excellence is the ability to connect with an audience in an authentic, inspiring and exciting way. Don’t let you fears hold you back. Be confident. And let your passion for your topic come out for all to see. For me it’s a few slides to enhance visually one of your core ideas and a warm and passionate speaker over a cold and dull speaker with slick slides wins every time. So what do you use to get that little edge you need to overcome your fear of failure? Share with us your AHA  presentation success or failure, so we can learn from each other. Checkout this AHA moment between a coach and an Olympic swimmer–Visualize yourself as a winner and overcome nervousness–View “The same race as always.”http://t.co/gCd5osw via @myahamoment

New poem–Generosity antidote to Selfishness

Generosity by M. W. Hardwick

The only antidote for our obsessed race for celebrity and success is generosity. Giving begets receiving. He who does not give doesn’t deserve to be given to; it is unjust for a stingy man to receive. When you give, you don’t lose what you have given but have invested into your future, ’cause the hand that receives from you is indebted to you and will pay in the future.

Giving of yourself is hard…

Is not easy the excuses abound—

Too busy

Too selfish

Too poor

Takes too much time

Others are lazy…

The excuses  go on and on…

Yet we could tell a more optimistic narrative—

Make space and time for people who need help

Volunteer for one meal at the homeless shelter

See others in a new light

Decide in your heart to do more…

Go from just talking about others who need help

Too helping someone in need…

Match your values and action.

Start with simple –steps…

Do it now…now… now…

It is the right thing to do…

Daily Quote and Reflection: Living with the Two Wolves in Our Hearts

Daily Quote Native American Folklore: “In my heart, there are two wolves a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. It all depends on which one I feed each day.”

Reflection: I find this quote fascinating and if I am honest with my self, these two tug always for attention and action. I find the quote both hopeful and a bit disturbing. The Wolf of Love is hopeful and popular myth in our culture because we all need love and affection to survive and thrive in life. The “Wolf of Hate” or as I call it the “shadow side” is to be feared because it harbors evil and dark thoughts. Not many people admit to this dark or shadow side yet it has powerful implications for how we live our lives. In trying to live without awareness of our “Wolf of Hate” we are vulnerable to impulsive behaviors and unconscious evil actions. We can observe these “wolves” on the individual, group and societal levels; such as, Wars, Mass Movements like Nazis, smaller groups like the John Birchers, Father Divine, Tea Party, Black Panther’s or Weathermen or closer to home our anger, frustrations with co-workers, the boss or even with our loved ones. With this said, I believe that through self-awareness and understanding an optimistic view is present by the Wolves story and happiness. The optimistic narrative  is that we all have the choice and power in our daily interactions to be more empathic, compassionate, generous and understanding while advocating for less WARFARE, FAMILY VIOLENCE,BULLYING AND OTHER EVILS IN OUR COMMUNITIES AND NEIGHBORHOODS.