Daily Quote: and Reflection: Insights and Social Advocacy from Consumer Perspective

Daily Quote: “For a person with mental illness, the challenge is to find the life that’s right for you. But in truth, isn’t that the challenge for all of us, mentally ill or not?”Dr. Elyn Saks, from her book, The Center Cannot Hold.

Reflection:Very moving speech detailing,one highly functioning person’s, long difficult struggle with Schizophrenia and Mental Illness. Dr. Saks, insightful, sad and realistic story makes me want to help more with this devastating disease.  Here is her heart felt and insightful speech at the University of Virginia Law School http://www.law.virginia.edu/html/news/2009_spr/saks.htm

What are your reactions?  

Note: Dr. Elyn Saks is the Orrin B. Evans Professor of Law, Psychology, and Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at USC’s Gould School of Law, an adjunct professor of Psychiatry at the UCSD School of Medicine, and assistant faculty at the New Center for Psychoanalysis in Los Angeles. In 2009, she received the MacArthur Foundation “Genius Grant.” Despite battling schizophrenia and acute psychosis since she was a teenager, Saks is a nationally recognized scholar in mental health law, criminal law and the ethical dimensions of medical research.

After decades of hiding her illness, Saks published a memoir about her struggles and successes in The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness (Hyperion, 2007). The book won far-reaching acclaim from literary critics and advocacy groups.

Daily Quote and Reflection: Asking Questions and Living with Uncertainty

Want to  Be Open and updated on Reality—Try asking questions

Daily Quote: “ Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost.” -M Scott Peck.

Reflection: If it is obvious that asking questions is such a powerful way for learning. So why do we stop asking questions and give more advice or try sell our arguments at any cost. Self-protection? Fear of cognitive dissonance? Or are we just lazy learners? Most people in order to create a comfort zone and reduce unknowns in life assume they know all the main things they need to know on a subject and then go through life looking for examples and evidence to reinforce our own beliefs and view of the world. They don’t bother to ask questions because they do not want to upset their views and beliefs about life.  So they don’t ask questions because would require change and pain for them. They cling to outdated beliefs and remain certain in their assumptions – yet they often end up being viewed as inflexible, dogmatic and rigid–  saying stupid things like the world is flat or all those “people” who are on  food stamps are lazy or do such and such. This inability to be open-minded and flexible leads to absolute thinking and limits our ability to deal with the uncertainty and inevitable changes in life.

Other people are afraid that by asking questions they will look weak, ignorant or unsure. They like to give the impression that they are decisive and in command of the relevant issues. They fear that asking questions might introduce uncertainty or show them in a poor light. In fact asking questions is a sign of strength and intelligence – not a sign of weakness or uncertainty. Great leaders constantly ask questions and are well aware that they do not have all the answers.

Finally some people are in such a hurry to get with things that they do not stop to ask questions because it might slow them down. They risk rushing headlong off the cliff.

In many situations,  checking-in by asking questions and challenging our  assumptions provides us with more information and leads us to gain a better appreciation of the issues.

Action Challenge:

So how do we improve our skills and ability to ask better questions? Start with very basic, broad questions then move to more specific areas to clarify your understanding. Open questions are excellent – they give the other person or people chance to give broad answers and they open up matters. Examples of open questions are:

• What business are we really in, what is our added value?
• Why do you think this has happened?
• What are all the things that might have caused this problem?
• How can we reduce customer complaints?
• Why do you think he feels that way?
• What other possibilities should we consider?

Over the next week try out your skill in asking questions and then see if this doesn’t improve your ability to see people and situations with a more open-mind. Keep us informed of your progress and we can start a dialogue for all of us to feel more comfortable in living with uncertainty and change.  

Daily Quote and Reflection-Journaling on My Birthday.

Daily quote and Reflection

Quote: What is the most amazing thing?
That we live as if we are going to live forever.- Hindu Proverb.

Daily Journaling and Reflection—Untapped source of energy. There is real power in the simple act of journaling. Stopping, Observing, Reflecting and Doing (writing).  It creates a positive cycle of mindfulness and relaxation, which leads to more noticing of your own happiness, obstacles and progress toward fulfillment. The more we practice journaling, the stronger the habit becomes. This is my  journal entry today on my birthday—

Power question–Which is more certain, today my birthday or tomorrow my death?

Birthday Poem: Life or death- by MW Hardwick

If today my birthday is special, how should I live this day?

The answer, for me, is to celebrate my birthday

Live in the here and now and

Enjoy every breath

Then take this day — my starting point 68 years ago

And live today and everyday as my last.
Be in good cheer, see the bright side of all challenges

Accept my friends and loved ones today.
Live with a clear purpose of having fun today. My special day.
Put aside all the expectations

And just experience what comes today.

Ignore my duties for today.
Cultivate myself today. Be care free.
Live mindfully today.
Be at peace today.
Be happy today.

Be patient.

And accept what comes.

If I live this way today, I live in fulfillment and peace of mind.
If I die today, I die fulfilled with gratitude in my heart.

And in peace. And in peace…peace…

Daily Quotes and Reflection: Power of First Impressions

Quotes:

The answer is that we are not helpless in the face of our first impressions. They may bubble up from the unconscious – from behind a locked door inside of our brain – but just because something is outside of awareness doesn’t mean it’s outside of control.”
Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

 Its’  all about storytelling. It’s about creating a connection to the audience.”

Reginald Hudlin, President of Entertainment, BET

 Reflection: 

Spend more time on making a strong and lasting “first impression” on the audience. Like the old saying, you only get one chance for a great first impression. Overcoming a lack luster open to your presentation,  like a flat  or non-energized beginning, and then having to change that initial  poor image, takes lots to time and effort. Your initial first impression can make or break your presentation.

Action Assignment: You may not be making a speech today, but is helpful to practice how to make good first impressions. Today, stop and try to make a positive impression on someone you don’t know. After the interaction circle back to get some feedback–How did you come across to this person and what was their first impression of you? There is a lot to learn here because we all have “blindspots” between how we want to come across to others and their actual experience of you. 

 

Daily Quote and Reflection: Greatest Gift

Daily Quote: ” I believe the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen, heard, understood and touched by them. The greatest gift I can give is to see, hear, understand and touch another person. When this is done, I feel contact has been made “–Virginia Satir

Reflection: Now it is your turn to absorb, focus and capture your own reflection. You can’t hope to become an effective leader without self-awareness and looking at how words and experiences effect your daily interactions. Learning to learn how to reflect on experiences and the lessons life offers will enhance your ability to relate, communicate and develop as a fully functioning leader and congruent person. So give it a try by reflecting on what it means in your life to truly connect with others. Share your ideas with the rest of our community at the wick. 

Creating Trusted Business Relationships: Be a Person for Others

Daily Quote: ”I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.” – Jackie Robinson, First African American Major League baseball player

“The friendships which last are those wherein each friend respects the other’s dignity to the point of not really wanting anything from him.”- Cyril Connolly

Reflection:

Core of Respect for others is a mindset that fosters building effective and long-term trusting relationships.  In this instance, it involves listening to and understanding the other person, noticing details about them and their situation, and then taking an active role in doing something about it. I really consider this to be a strong Quality of worklife (QWL) culture where respect + solution oriented action =friendship and loyalty. Taking action is about participating rather than observing which is essentially communicating disinterest or not caring behavior. Unique connected behavior has the benefit of the concept many are calling purpose-centered behavior which is the reward system for doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Everything we do, say and act on has a reaction –there are no neutral moves. Because we are connected, almost as quickly as one positive happens the next is sure to follow. This concept is so important, it will change the way you think and do things indefinitely as well as everyone you come into contact with.

Call for Action: What can you to today to create trust and respect at your work place?  Use the Stop-Think-Do technique to get started in creating a more respectful climate and more trusted relationships.   

Daily Quote and Reflection–Why do Presenters fail to connect?

Daily Quote: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

Reflection:

1. Presenter assumes communication or message is interesting or understood by audience

2. Presenter doesn’t spend time building rapport or trying to connect with audience, so confidence and credibility are questioned

3. Material is not useful or relevant to audience needs and expectations

4. They’ve heard it all before—you don’t stimulate their curiosity

5 . No roadmap or agenda, is provided so participants—are lost, bored or  confused

6.  Presenter doesn’t take learning styles into consideration and presents too much information or just lectures without any involvement of audience members eg, too detailed and too many PPT slides.

7.  It’s too long  and attention span of participants wanes or  you go over the allotted time

8.  Close is just not compelling or powerful enough to inspire participants to action

Daily quote and reflection: Power of Self-Efficacy and Suspension of Disbelief

 

Daily Quote: “It is very important to understand that change is not the triumph of heart over head — it is the unique intersection of both.”  David Caruso

Reflection: One constant in life is change. How we learn to live with change depends on our experience and mental-set. An unpleasant or painful experience may program your mental-set  to either avoid or see new experiences as an opportunity and a challenge. It all depends on how we perceive the original event and process it into our long-term memory. Some of my clients are bored or “stuck” in their marriage or career, or their lives in general. By remaining in their habits and status quo ways, they are denying themselves opportunities to see the possibilities in their life and fall short of their full potential. Self-mastery is knowing when to learn new skills or take on new responsibilities, when to hold on to beliefs that serve you, and when to let go of beliefs, thinking and behaviors that do not fulfill your potential and serve you.

Self-efficacy is the context-specific assessment of belief in our personal capabilities to organize and execute what is required so as to achieve the intended goal. It is concerned not with the skills we have, but rather with our control over our own level of functioning. People with high self-efficacy choose more demanding tasks. They set higher goals, put in more effort, and persist longer than those who are low in self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy grows through personal and vicarious experience, discipline, and valid feedback. Although usually considered in a single context, there may also be a generalized effect reflecting a person’s abilities across a broad array of difficult or novel situations. For instance, if someone is loved by a supportive family on the home front, then that person will display a greater confidence on the job. This will be reflected by peer and management feedback, which will, in turn, show up on the home front, perpetuating the cycle.

How can you better address change in your life? Here are some tips:

• Envision. Look at the big picture—what the end result will be. That way you won’t become so overwhelmed with the small details.
• See change as an opportunity to try something new or to do things in a different way.
• Do your homework. Find out all you can about what is changing so that it will make you feel more confident as it happens.
• Believe that no matter what happens, you can deal with it, and that in some way you will learn from it.

What are you turning away from personally or professionally that needs to be addressed? In the end, if you don’t make the changes in your life, life will make them for you.

Choosing One’s Way Meaningful Constructive Living Framework and Smart-Step Change Process

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Victor Frankl 

Constructive Living necessitates the elimination of self-sabotaging thinking and behavior. It requires more self-directed action and the creation of a meaningful life purpose and process.

The technique used to facilitate this transformation is what I call the Smart-Step Centering process. It is all about establishing a clear and meaningful purpose, confidence through positive self-talk and skill development through realistic practice, feedback and execution plans.

Smart-Steps framework is more manageable in developing positive behavior changes then a more general or holistic approach. Smart-Steps allow the client to focus on the goal and the process instead of judging performance (based on fears, false expectations and results). For example, process goals help people to focus on being in the moment and responding in a responsive way to others and their environment. It helps people turn shyness and nervousness energy into positive enthusiasm for interacting and understanding others. Here are some essential components of the Smart-Step Process as applied to interpersonal communication.

1.  Clarify and agree to an agenda and expectations for your time together. Start interaction by asking questions and listening to the other person. Show interest and sincere concern in hearing their story.

2. Monitor and Edit yourself. Sincerely listen and try to meet the other person’s need to share and be understood by not giving advice, judging their behavior or opinions.    Show them that you have their best interest at heart.

3. Soften your “connection”.  Be friendly and welcoming. Too much, too soon and too strong usually leads to suspicion and resistance from others.

4. Accept influence. A presentation succeeds to the extent that the presenter can accept influence from the audience members. Be responsive to audience comments or concerns. Be quick on your feet and flexible to show your care.

5.  Respect and Encourage candid dialogue. Understand how to become a better listener, give positive feedback, and mirror the other person’s gestures and body language. Learned to model the good habits and positive energy you would like others to show you.

7. Focus on the optimistic “POV”. Try to connect with and understand the other person’s view of the world. Interpersonal conversations work best when you are experienced as a caring and respectful listener So make at least three-five times as many positive statements as negative comments.

Once you understand the Smart-Step process you are on the road to significant personal change.  Process goals replace personal expectations and help performers focus on what is really important during a performance – being audience centered and in the moment. Being and living in the moment is critical to developing confidence. It means learning to trust, believe in yourself and developing a sense of being vulnerable and at risk. Trust is directly related to your ability to be open and is experienced as authentic by others. Make sure you leave a good first impression and this could turn-out to be the start of a life-long friendship.

 

 

Time management isn’t our problem–but our need to manage our energy is critical for success.

Quote: To recharge themselves, individuals need to recognize the costs of energy-depleting behaviors and then take responsibility for changing them, regardless of the circumstances they’re facing.

The lack of focused time and thus stress and burnout be an epidemic, but the problem isn’t in what we say. It’s what we do and how we set priorities and use a limited amount of our precious energy. For all the people writing about the importance of the “sustainable development” of our economy, how many are there worrying about the sustainability of our own body energy ? Research reports that a disciplined and focused lifestyle effectively helps in achieving more in less time. Don’t miss this excellent article by Tony Schwartz it provides a whole new perspective on how to manage and expand that valuable resource called energy. Take the self-assessment tool provide by Mr Schwartz to see if you are heading for a personal energy crisis. Good Luck and fun with this it will provide a reading on your ability to recovery and stay healthy in our fast-paced world. http://hbr.org/2007/10/manage-your-energy-not-your-time/ar/1

Daily Quote And Reflection: Top Athletes and Singers have Coaches–Why not You?

Quote:” Elite performers, researchers say, must engage in “deliberate practice”—sustained, mindful efforts to develop the full range of abilities that success requires. You have to work at what you’re not good at. In theory, people might be able to use self-coaching, but most people do not know where to start or how to proceed. Expertise, as the formula goes, requires going from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence and finally to unconscious competence. The coach provides the outside eyes and ears, and makes you aware of where you’re falling short. This is tricky. Human beings resist exposure and critique; our brains are well defended. So coaches use a variety of approaches—showing what other, respected colleagues do, for instance, or reviewing videos of the subject’s performance. The most common, however, is just conversation.” Top Athletes and Singers have Coaches. Should you? Atul Gawande

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/03/111003fa_fact_gawande?currentPage=all

Action Challenge: Given that we can all improve our skills the question for you in the next week is to identify–What areas would you like a coach to assist or provide feedback on so that you can become a more effective professional? 

Daily Quote and Reflection:Sticky Presentations –Nail the Close

Daily Quote:  Winston Churchill once said: “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

Reflection: We all could learn from this advice. Strong opening that hooks and captures the audience members curosity and a strong closing that inspires them to action. In my coaching I have seen presenters hurriedly do a summary, ask for questions while packing and other closes that flop or plop. The flop is a close that doesn’t impact the audience or reinforce your message like a quote that is not relevant to the message you want the audience to remember. The flop could be as bad as saying–”well folks that’s all I have to say.”  The “plop” is a remark that goes out to the audience but doesn’t get a positive response. It is important to close your speech with as much energy as when you open the speech. This is a time to have a powerful story that reinforces your message or request that is so powerful to move people to action or change their thinking.  This lack of nailing the close is an opportunity missed. For example,I recently saw a doctor when presenting keep looking at his watch and flying through complex slides just to get to the finish line on time. He ended is speech by saying, well I guess that’s all the slides I have. Thanks. WOW what a let downer and terrible closing that was. In fact, your last remarks when presenting are valued all out of proportion to the total amount of effort you put into the presentation. This powerful factor of audiences remembering the last thing they have seen or heard been studied by communication experts and linguist and is called the Recency Effect.

Action Activity: For your next presentation work on fine tuning your final message by practicing it in front of some colleagues and getting feedback on how it grabbed them or in what way it needs improvement. Some expert presenters memorize their closing and use the story format or quote to reinforce their message. Don’t missed an opportunity for your message to be experienced as inspirational, memorable and energizing. Remember your closing will be how your performance in the main is judged . Good Luck.

Daily Quote and Reflections: Power of Genuineness in Building Trusted Partnerships

Quote: ”You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie

Reflection : Genuinely caring for and recognizing the accomplishments of others helps to create unique connections and builds trusting relationships. This approach reduces competition with others and creates a more positive and collaborative climate to accomplish goals and increase work place satisfaction. Confidence is required to command respect, but authenticity and genuineness are the glue for building long-term relationships.

Action Challenge: In the next thirty days create a relationship development plan consisting of five key people in your life and commit to building a “trusted partnership”. One suggestion is to show more positivity toward them by doing specific activities that focus on recognizing and supporting their effort to accomplish their goals.   

Daily Quote and Reflection: How is your Mental Toughness and Intrinsic motivation for achievement?

Quotes: “Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory’. Bill Russell

Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles”. Alex Karras

Reflection: So what is mental toughness? It can be defined as the ability to access and maintain focus and determination to complete a course of action despite complexity, difficulties or unknown consequences. Some say it is the will to never give-up or quit. My blog on MT was one of the highest viewed and most popular pieces in 2011. If you missed it take a look at thewick and find out how you can learn to be more mentally tough no matter the situation you face.

Action Challenge: Identify in what situations or with whom you need to display more  mental toughness. After you readings and more understanding of MT –What are you committed to do to become more mentally tough?  

Daily Quote and Reflections: Re-thinking your Communications– If you think it, it will stick

Daily Quote: “People tend to think that having a great idea is enough, and they think the communication part will come naturally. We are in deep denial about the difficulty of getting a thought out of our own heads and into the heads of others. It’s just not true that, “If you think it, it will stick…”    Chip and Dan Heath, from their book –Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die  

Reflection:  One of our first  ”Process with Structure” design principles for Smart-Steps is to  “Think Expectations and Needs” Focus on the audience and people you are trying to influence and provide information too.  It is important to thoroughly understand the situation people find themselves in, what is the most important problem they face, how have they tried to solve it in the past and what can be done now to correct the issues they face. If you want to be a communicator keep your message concise, clear and simple.

Remember the four sides of a problem model presented by Dr. David Kolb. It is important to spend at least 50% of your time defining a problem before rushing in with solutions. This rushing in is caused by your vast experience and expert knowledge called the Curse of Knowledge. Don’t rush in with a pat solution to a problem, just because you have seen similar situations or problems before. One size doesn’t fit all is marrow way of approaching problem solving or solution finding ways. Look for differences in the problem situation to  individualized your approach through brainstorming and searching for the right alternatives and be open-minded in trying to  discover new answers even if it means starting over with a clean slate.

Also, focus on the uniqueness of the presenting problem so that you can customize the solution and message from your audience point of view and needs. Always remember to ask over and over again do these solutions fit the problem and expectations of your audience members goals? And is my message clear, concise and simple? The Process with Structure approach to personal and smart-step change is based on the idea of making problem solving, opportunity finding and creating messages a creative work of art and science.