Want to be A “smart” leader–Learn How to Learn !!!

Experts agree that sixty-seven percent of statistics are made up on the spot.   George Orwell

 I often tell people in my presentation workshops not to use MSU’s (Making Shit Up ) as a persuasive teaching tool. Nonetheless, many smart people and professionals resort to this behavior.  Why do they do this? They feel the pressure to look good, they want to be perceived as the expert, they panic and are afraid to admit they don’t know, they want to remain in control and they experience not knowing as failure. Professionals don’t like to fail because they have a history of being right and successful.

Reflection # 10 : In Tough Times We all Need Someone

Obama’s “Yes We Can” Leadership– Defines Empathy through his Selection for the bench.

“When a good man is hurt all who would be called good must suffer with him.” - Euripides

Ashby Jones, of the WSJ Law Blog  and others such as Lawrence Hurley of the Los Angeles Daily Journal. Even the  Slate and the Washington Post, and the ED show on MSNBC are weighing in on what Asby calls the “Emotion of the Day”–Empathy. In this blog I will try and shine some light on this subject. Since, I am a Social Scientist, I will take a different approach then these other writers and talking heads.   

Obama’s “yes we can” Leadership: Risk and Caring Confrontation Essence of Diplomacy

” I think risk is important…You only get out of something what you put into it and the fact that you are willing to risk something (money, friendship health etc.) means that you are going to get a lot more out of it.” 

 Yvon Chouinard, Founder of Patagonia, the clothing company   

I have not written about the Obama Leadership Effect for awhile and yet I am tracking the elements and characteristics of his pragmatic and empathic leadership style. By now we all know and respect Obama’s ability to connect through articulate, approriate and inspiring messages. His calmness, executive presence and ability not to take things personnally demonstrate an extraordinary tolerance and respect for other points of view. People in general do not demonstrate this openness to truly listen and examine their own points of view while taking responsibility for challenging others actions vs. their professed beliefs.

Reflections #11: Leadership Dimensions…

To lead is to dream and do…

    to let go of fears and criticism

to see beyond the obvious and mean spirited..

   to give credit away…

to lead at the pleasure of followers…

   to see and share a vision

to anticipate and articulate a new view

   to be enthusiastic, passionate and on PURPOSE…

to care

                             to focus

                                                            to flex

to collobrate , cooperate and above all

      TO RESPECT. BE RESPONSIBLE…

 TO APPRECIATE AND ACKNOWLEDGE …

and say THANK YOU, thank you, thank you…

and  PLEASE ….more often …

and…and… and … remember

LIFE IS SHORT AND DEATH IS LONG…. ENJOY THE HERE AND NOW…

Getting Unstuck: Trust Your Gut

“To grow, we must travel in the direction of our fears.”                                                        

John Berryman   

Unless you are suffering from clinical depression feeling “stuck” in life is not unusual. We have all been there. Sometimes we grit our teeth and just do what we have to do. Other times we fake it till we make it through. Other times we convince ourselves that this to shall pass.

I think that we all, sometime or another, wind up feeling stuck in our life. Feeling stuck is when you are not quite sure of your purpose or where you are going. You are caught in doing and efforting. It can be when you have been disappointed; you know you are confused and don’t know where to turn. There is a sense you need to make a change but you are fearful. Fearful of risk? Fearful of failure? Fearful of leaving the status and traps of the present job?  You have no idea what you need to do. Or it can be that place where you know what you want to do and are afraid that your ideas might offend or upset others. Sometimes you know the changes you want to make, you know what you need to do and who you want to be, but you get stuck because you are overwhelmed by the prospect of change or are afraid of the risks or just can’t let go of your old patterns and security.

Trust yourself be confident and face your fears–by asking If I mess this thing up-What is the worst thing that can happen? Sometimes it is hard to know if the source of our fear is a false belief, lack of confidence, a pattern of negative thinking, or common sense. Listen to your gut and then you will know which it is.

Sometimes fear holds us back from doing something we need to try and sometimes it is our inner voice cautioning us against making a mistake.

It is always advisable to do the research and get your facts so that you can make an informed decision. However, ultimately, the only way to know for sure if this is a good choice for you is based on what your gut tells you.  One thing I find helpful is to sleep on the decision as if it is already made. Say to yourself before falling asleep I am taking this job. Then measure the quality of your sleep do you toss and turn or sleep comfortably through the night. And when you wake up how do you feel–rest and relaxed or or anxious and tired? If pursuing this goal or action feels right, if there is a sense of excitement with your decision and you sleep through the night and arise rested and calm then it is probably okay to go ahead with your decision. If this new direction allows you to express your creativity and who you really are, if it respects and validates your values and your vision, and if it allows you to live in integrity then it is probably a good bet to trust your inner guidance and take the action and pursue your goal. Instead of asking why just go ahead and say to yourself an affirming statement like–Why not and Why not right now. Good Luck and sleep tight.

Reflections #10– Be Gentle With Others–You Never Know their Pain

 “One gesture, one smile and one gentle act can change the course of a day and uplift a life.”  Mark W. Hardwick   

On the way to tennis today, I was delayed by a crew doing road repairs. (of course I was running on Mark’s time) a little overly optimistic about my ability to hit every light and not have any traffic accidents along the way. This strategy usually works so my bad habit is reinforced and when late my tennis buddies are not happy. It must be a passive aggressive streak I still have not tamed.  Today, I am going to be late because one lane of Mt. Carmel Church Road,  just about 4 miles from the tennis club, and a right turn on to James Taylor bridge I see a tar machine and dump truck in the middle of the road. A flagman cautions me to slow down than suddenly changes his warning sign to stop.

Unique Flashes and Passionate Attitude the Spark for Growth?

 ”That which is unique and worthwhile in us makes itself felt only in flashes. If we do not know how to catch and savor these flashes, we are without growth and without exhilaration,”  Eric Hoffer, writer and longshoreman.

After presenting and leading ( 5,000) or more corporate retreats, workshops, and consulting engagements on everything from stress, change management, effective leadership, personal/team development and positive interpersonal communications I believe one thing is the key to change and commitment –freedom to choose your attitude and passion for life. I think we all know at some level passionate purpose is the cornerstone for unhooking the difficult and so humane self-centeredness and selfishness which destroies lives, teams, companies and relationships. Passion is the spice of life. Your passionate attitude provides the internal foundation for the external challenges and aligns people in shared goals and sacrifice. 

Victor Frankl, a noted psychiatrist, in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning,  highlights an important theme–we are all free to choose our actions and in choosing we create meaning in life. I guess most of us are not being tested in our present jobs or lives like the Jewish people were challenged. They were tricked or dragged from their homes, stripped of their clothes and jewelry, and subject to horrible situations of confinement, abuse and little food. Within hours their identities were ripped away and their humanity tested. Most of the prisoners choose to go along with the Nazi guards and began to turn on their fellow citzens through abuse and ratting. I wonder living in a concentration camp what kind of attitude would you choose? Would you choose your own way or go along with the majority. The choice to display integrity and moral steadfastness is yours in any situation. Here is how Frankl states the point of moral choice–”We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number,but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.

Personal Dreams–Make them happen !!

“Everything is possible but nothing is certain.” Vaclav Havel  

 

When starting to build a developmental plan or to re-do a broken dream remember the power of reframing. When talking with yourself build confidence by acceptancing the cornerstone for change–start where you are by assessing reality and not where you think you should be. Don’t be afraid to fail. Instead, worry about the opportunities you miss when you don’t step and try. Positive keys to overcoming barriers–trust yourself, eliminate negative thinking, check your ideas and thoughts with others, build confidence by taking one step at a time. Be careful to align your values, gifts and vision.

Unique Connect #4: Leadership Presence Key to Positive First Impressions

“You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.” 

 John Molloy

I have been talking about the effective of “first impressions” for the last couple of blogs. I hope the evidence has been through enough for you to now realize how it impacts your interpersonal relationships and opportunities.  Oviously, the effect is more than most of us think. Some of you may dismiss this concept as others being superficial but the truth is ”first impressions” communicate to others how you feel about yourself and what you stand for. Also, be aware that others will very seldom level or tell you what they think or feel because this is a very personal and sensitive issue.  You can help findout more by openingly asking what they think and how you came across when they first met you. When receiving the feedback don’t become defensive or blow people off; this can be valuable information for self-development.  Now let’s talk more  about how “first impressions” lead to a feeling and concept called–Leadership Presence.    

 Let’s begin by defining Leadership Presence–It is the way a person carries and presents himself  to others. In leadership parlance, it is a person who is at ease and comfortable in their own skin and with diverse people in many situations; be it at a bowling alley or at a Congressional budget hearing.  Those who have “it” are relaxed and composed under pressure and  can connect quickly, communicate in a clear and compelling manner, skillfully handle difficult situations and look, sound and act in ways that inspire others to follow them. And without followers their is no leader.  Beyond that, Presence is the ability to inspire people one to one, in small groups or large audiences, build strong relationships, impress and influence others and be accepted by diverse followers.Sounds like you need to walk on water. 

For some people, extroverts , executive presence is a natural extension of who they are  but for others developing executive presence will require some developmental work.

You might ask where and how do I start to develop these critical leadership skill? 

 Here is my Smart-Step Prescription for you:

1. Assess what you do well now and keep doing those things. 
2. Next gather feedback on what you need to improve. 
3. Focus on changing your likeability.  For example, practice using your natural warm smile  or making steady eye contact with others (3-5 seconds).
4. Just like changing you golf swing get a video of yourself presenting, conducting a staff meeting or interviewing someone.
5. Get feedback on how you come across and impact others. This feedback analysis will help identify blind spots and strengths.
6. Remember Practice makes Permanent and Perfect Practice makes Perfect. 

These reflective and feedback actions will help you fine tune your natural strengths and improve your ability to connect and make positive first impressions.

Reflections #9: Love, My Wife and Mother of our Boys

Reflections  A Mother’s Day Poem.

Birds begin to sing, when they hear your laughter.

Yellow and purple finches, dark eyed juncos, white breasted nut hatches, And red winged black birds join the celebration.

Your dark brown eyes twinkle and sparkle, flashing deep emotions. Happy and sad.

Your truth, in words and action unselfish and giving bring security and serenity to the boys-Jeff, Brian and Todd.

Your advice lingers in their mind–”Don’t do anything stupid” shows your worry and  CARING HEART.

People are drawn to your warmth, authenticity and comfort food.

On this mother’s day the brightness of my love still shines.

Time rolls away without delay, And nearly 42 years together have been precious and wonderful.

Love and happiness depends on choice. I have choosen you and you me.

 I give you the simple gift of all my love on this special day. Love that carriers all the whole year through, for all times filled with sunshine and storm.

For love makes our spirits grow,

Love guides us to do what is right, since many of life’s joys depend on action not just words…

Thank God our souls connect.

And the birds begin to sing and the boys are now men and Eli smiles and Spencer giggles…when they hear your laughter…when they hear your laughter … 

Enjoy this special day for you are a special, loving and caring mom, wife and friend… and there are many more times to share the laughter, love and tears for our family.

Love forever–Mark

Unique Connect #3 –How to Impact “first impression bias”

“In times of change it is the learners who inherit the future. Those who have finished learning find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists.” Eric Hoffer, Social Commentator and author  

How to impact “First Impressions” 

We have all had the experience of feeling immediately connected to someone and the opposite experience of disliking someone on first meeting. 

Researchers vary on their conclusions whether this takes 2-3 seconds or 15 seconds. The exact timing is unimportant lets just say we make very quick snap judgments about others. So how to make the most of these encounters becomes important for all of us. Of course, the most important thing whether it be a social meeting or a business contact is –how to make these interpersonal connections work for and not against you. As I discussed in the last posting most of the judgments made are immediate and instinctive, so the challenge is to see if we can influence or impact the way  other people perceive us.

Unique Connections #2: The Power of the 15 Second First Impression Rule.

 “If (a man) is brusque in his manner, others will not cooperate.  If he is agitated in his words, they will awaken no echo in others.  If he asks for something without having first established a (proper) relationship, it will not be given him.” Robert Bolton

The immediacy of first impressions and how they effective the decision to go forward in a conversation or a relationship has been called many things in the fields of Communication, Social Psychology and Psychology–power of first impressions, bias of confirmation, primacy effect, thin slicing etc. As a father, I tried to teach my boys the “power of first” impressions. My simple message was to look the person in the eye and give them a firm handshake. Now there is more research that confirms that it takes only a matter of seconds for a person to decide if they want to go forward with a relationship.

100 Day Challenge–Is the American Dream Alive or An Illusion?

President Obama and his team have done a great job in the first 100 days of steadying the ship of state and are now putting forth the plans and action to execute the comprehensive change  we need to change America.  Now it is your turn to be a little reflective about the future. My hundred day challenge for you is to visit Bill Moyers Journal and add your perspective to the dialogue about how we go about defining and deepening the American Dream. I am challenging all the readers and guests of TheWick blog to join the Bill Moyers Journal and The Fetzer Institute in a quest to reassess the definition of The American Dream asking: Is the American Dream a vision or an illusion?  What is your vision for the future of the American Dream? How can you contribute to making these visions come true?

Change Your Energy, Change Your Life

“Personal Responsibility is power; Performance is to persuade, to convert, to compel.”   Ralph Emerson

Hey, just an apology and warning for the future, I have been very busy on a couple of coaching assignments, presentation workshops and designing a new approach for communicating and connecting with people called Presentation of Self  through Smart-Step Training ( more on this later). So that is why the blog has been quiet since mid-April.  Lately, I find it difficult to keep focused on a client engagement, be creative with my development and design work and also blog. The reason I find it difficult is all about energy and balance. I am trying to put in place some of the ideas of Toughness Training. This personal change  process  is all about energy expendure (stress) and restoring energy (recovery) which Dr. James Loehr writes about in his two books Toughness Training for Life and Power of Full Engagement. These books will change your life. My AHA was that I needed to balance my energy not manage my time to become more effective and satisfied with my work and life. The project I am now working on is to try and to find the right balance between stress and recovery in my life.  You may have noticed by now that my posting tends to be a bit of a roller coaster. This is because of my energy cycle is erratic. So don’t be disappointed if you check the blog regularly, and find yourself annoyed that there ain’t much activity. I am engaged in renewal and  recover so I can bring you the best of my thinking. Remember, change is all we can count on in life.

But wait — there’s a solution to this problem! I took the free Full Engagement Profile  to see how I am able to integrate my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my work and life. I scored an 80% which means I am engaged and energized by work and life but still need some work in the spirtual and physical areas to become Fully Engaged. More info for you at http://www.hpinstitute.com Good Luck on finding out your level of engagement in life and let me know if any personal change projects emerge from your reading and reflection.